Poverty's punch: Stress, uncertainty haunt children in poverty
JANESVILLE — Cullen McAdory’s eyes flashed as he stood on the front porch, arms crossed over his basketball jersey. He wanted to play outside, but his mom wouldn’t let him because he was suspended from school.
“Cullen, please, let’s not argue today,” his mother, Kathy Patrick, said wearily. “Right now, you’re supposed to be in school, and because you made bad choices, and decided not to go to school today, or they made you not go to school today, that means you need to stay in the house today until 3 o’clock.”
“You grounded me yesterday,” he replied with a lisp that made “grounded” sound like “gwounded.” “You said for one day you’d ground me.”
“From yesterday, that was something different. I’m not gonna argue.”
“You’re the one who starts everything!” Cullen stamped his feet. “You lie to me about, like, everything!”
Cullen has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and when he isn’t on the right medications, his temper can get violent, Kathy explained. His doctor is trying to find the right combination of medicine for him, but meanwhile, the whole family suffers from Cullen’s outbursts.
A few minutes later, Kathy answered her cell phone, and Cullen took his chance to sneak out with his bike.
Children hit hard
Poverty can have profound effects on children, especially those who experience it early in life, according to a report from the National Center for Children in Poverty. Chronic hardship can hinder children’s development and their ability to learn and contribute to behavioral, social and emotional problems, the report states.
Kathy, 36, has seen those effects in her own children as she struggles to pull her family out of poverty.
Carl, 10, and Cullen, 8, have been diagnosed with attention deficit disorders. Neither has a male guardian or role model in his life, and Kathy believes their behavioral problems might have something to do with stress caused by her failed relationship with their father.
Though Carl does well in school, he refuses to do his homework—to the point that he almost failed fourth grade last year. Kathy tries and tries to discipline him, but she’s not sure how. Besides, her own studies and jobs leave her little time to make sure the children attend to their schoolwork.
All four of the children—Carl, Cullen, Kiara, 7, and Keegan, 5,—have trouble trusting Kathy since they were sent to foster homes five years ago. Even little Keegan accused his mother of “lying” to him when she told him she’d make pancakes and didn’t make them right away.
Jessica Grandt is a social worker at Wilson Elementary School, where Kathy’s three oldest children attend and where Keegan will start kindergarten next month. She has seen different reactions from children in poverty to the stress in their lives.
Some, like Cullen, act out. Others withdraw, ashamed of their situations, or worry incessantly. Stress can affect their health, sleeping patterns and schoolwork, she said.
“(Cullen’s) behavioral problems are definitely part of the chaos that is part of their household,” Grandt said. “Being a single parent, and the stress Kathy goes through, I definitely think that contributes to that.”
The children pick up on Kathy’s financial problems, Grandt said. Kathy has struggled to find transportation after an acquaintance crashed her car last fall. Even if she had a car, she probably couldn’t afford the gas to run it, Kathy said.
The family usually has to walk or take the bus. As a result, the children are often late to school, making their days even more hectic, Grandt said.
Kiara and Carl both seem well-adjusted, though, and have solid friendships. And Cullen is a good kid at heart, Grandt said.
“With everything, even with Cullen’s behavioral struggles and all that, everybody at Wilson adores those kids,” she said. “I think despite all the stress and the chaos that exists in their lives, they’re great kids.”
Lack of stability
It’s not just a lack of income that affects children in poverty, the National Center for Children in Poverty writes. These children often experience chaotic and unpredictable home lives. Income rises and falls as parents change jobs or lose them suddenly. Families in poverty tend to move a lot, searching for lower rent or fresh starts, further uprooting the children.
Parents in poverty are more likely to experience severe stress and depression, which also affects their children, the report says.
Children crave stability, and they often don’t find it in low-income homes, Grandt said.
“Kids can be pretty resilient, but it’s hard,” she said. “They’re kids, and they’re dealing with things they should never have to deal with.”
The McAdory children have already been through a lot in their young lives. Kathy had an on-again, off-again relationship with their father, who did drugs and occasionally abused Kathy, she said.
When Keegan was just a few months old, all four children were sent to foster care. Their father was still using drugs, and Kathy didn’t have a job or electricity in her home. Kathy ended the relationship for good after she lost her children, she said.
The children bounced around between relatives and foster parents for more than two years before Kathy got them back.
“That’s affected their behavior completely. I know it has,” Kathy said. “You’re taken from your family at a young age and placed in a complete stranger’s home; you’re thinking, why in the heck are you there?”
Kathy was thrilled to get her children back, but it’s been tough, she said. They’re too young to understand what happened, and she thinks they subconsciously blame her for giving them up.
Meanwhile, Kathy struggles to care for the children on her own while attending school and working part-time jobs.
“I have so much going on in my head and so much going on at home, it’s like very overwhelming,” she said. “It’s like I try to do one thing, and while I’m doing this one thing, something else is going on over here. It’s constantly back and forth, back and forth …
“Families need that two-parent thing; I really, truly believe that.”
So Kathy looks for role models for her children elsewhere. Carl and Cullen both attend weekly counseling sessions, and Cullen has a special counselor assigned to him from the Janesville School District.
She’s eager to get Carl, Cullen and Kiara into the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, but the waiting list is long, she said.
Long-term effects
Life isn’t always stressful in the Patrick household. Keegan and Kiara are friendly and affectionate, especially with their mother, while Carl and Cullen often seem like typical pre-teen boys, running around with their friends, playing games and getting into mischief.
Still, the stress the children go through can have permanent results. Children who grow up in poverty are more likely to drop out of school, have poor adolescent and adult health and struggle with poverty as adults, the National Center for Children in Poverty report states.
Kathy doesn’t want that to happen to her children. That’s why she decided to get her family in order this summer, especially because she was on a break from her work-study jobs. She’s going to have some tough classes in the fall, and she and the children can’t go through another year like they just had, she said.
“That’s why I’m not too stressed about getting a job,” she said. “Yeah, I really want one. Do we financially need one? No. We’ll just have to struggle like we have been doing. But my most important thing now is focusing on getting our family and my kids’ heads straight.”
At a counselor’s suggestion, Kathy put a piece of cardboard on the wall listing the children’s names with space for stickers for when they do their chores. A few days after she put it up, only Kiara had a sticker.
Weathering the storm
A few weeks after Cullen’s bike outburst, a new, hand-written sign hung on Kathy’s front door:
“No smoking!! Take your shoes off!! or don’t come in!!”
Kathy and Cullen sat curled on the couch watching TV as rain poured outside. Cullen was sent home from summer school earlier that day because he didn’t want to participate.
Kiara and Carl were still at summer school; Keegan had gone with a family friend to the Rock County Job Center to play in the day care while the friend collected food assistance.
Cullen wanted to go to a neighbor’s house, but Kathy told him to stay inside.
“Why can’t you stay here and snuggle with me?” she teased as thunder rolled in the distance. “We never get to spend time together.”
Cullen took off his sweaty T-shirt and laid his head in Kathy’s lap as she stroked his back, just like she did for all four of the children when they were younger. The volume was low on the TV as cartoon aliens fought each other. The lamps in the living room gave off a yellow glow on the white walls, offering a stark contrast to the dark clouds outside the window.
Outside, the storm raged on.
View the special section on poverty at gazettextra.com/poverty
Sep 14, 2010 at 3:51 a.m.
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There are many families suffering from argumentative and rebellious behavior of children. Kids are living stressed and anxious life that is hard to control for the parents. Many parents respond very strictly or spank their defiant kids that make them more aggressive. Difficult adolescents can make understand with extended care and moral support. Supportive and fostering environment at school and home can diminish poor behavioral and emotional problems in teenagers. There are several group homes that teach the lesson of moral values and ethics to disrespectful youths.
http://www.troubledteens.net/Problems-in...
Jun 17, 2010 at 5:16 p.m.
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It's surprising how many people here claim to work so hard to support themselves but have lots of time to monitor and leave back-and-forth comments on this site. Where do the rest of us get jobs like that? Or maybe their employers have just made some bad choices.
Feb 14, 2009 at 6:39 p.m.
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ithappens: I agree with you. When my Son, who is now 29 years old, was a child, the school kept labeling him. They said he should go on meds, and I yelled at them. No way was I going to put my child on any meds. It turned out he was just going thru a phase called "being a boy"!!! The problem with today's society is that we label and over medicate everyone into compliance. Who knows, maybe it could also have something to do with the crap they put in our food and drinks to preserve it, medicines, shots, etc. All I know is that when I was younger, they didn't have as many problems as what we have now.
Feb 14, 2009 at 2:50 p.m.
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Wow. I have walked most of my adult life in Kathy's shoes, so her story isn't anything new to me. Being a single parent with 4 kids is hard no matter what income level. Her kids need discipline, structure, and consistency, and she needs support form her friends and family. Someone should let her know about the support groups for single parents, and the other (non-foster care) services provided by the county. But for the record: kids grow up fine in single-parent homes; having 2 parents doesn't always ease the hardships of parenting. Sometimes it creates more problems than it solves. The after-school programs the Boy's and Girl's club have are an excellent way to get kids involved in their community and if they can't behave, they can't come. Leading by example is hard when everyone is a follower, too. To get these kids a hand up might mean accepting a handout from almost anyone who will give it. And for kids with ADHD, caffeine is a good substitute for medication in a pinch. Let the kid have some coffee or tea, but do not allow negative behaviors to go un-disciplined. It sounds like Kathy really needs some help from the Supernanny. Maybe the Gazette staff can write a letter to the show on her behalf.
Sep 18, 2008 at 6:14 p.m.
Sep 2, 2008 at 12:43 a.m.
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I knew Janesville would be narrow minded. People cannot relax and have a beer or the children cannot have a pet? How petty of all of you! My children are grown, and I am struggling. I don't drink beer or even rent DVD's! But yet a woman wants to talk about her story and we have to attack her for having a dog or quitting a job. shame on all of you!!
Aug 31, 2008 at 10:35 a.m.
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Hanna, what the heck is "but that was the cheap stuff we had a child on a tight-more like parents just cheap i think budget."?
Aug 29, 2008 at 10:07 a.m.
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jvldude, that had to be the worst and most juvenile comment made on here!! She had children and loves them and thats all that matters. Atleast she doesn't abuse them or pawn them off to someone else. You should apologize for that comment. I had 3 children with the SAME father and he never gave a hoot, I raised them myself. Your comment was way off base and you should be ashamed!
Aug 27, 2008 at 3:35 p.m.
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typo - should read "citizen's right".
Aug 27, 2008 at 3:30 p.m.
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sbm_citizen - That is great the you are making plans to pay for your childrens college, however, please realize that when getting loans at reduced rates, grants and scholarships you are being helped by someone else. It is every citzen's right to pursue an education in this country if they so choose regardless of circumstances. Just because the path you took is different than others doesn't make it the right path for everyone.
Aug 27, 2008 at 3:23 p.m.
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sbm_citizen -
I agree. It's all about priorities. I think it's great that Kathy wants to better herself and her situation by getting a degree. But if you have a family, it's your responsibility to take care of them, not the taxpayers'. It may get tough. She may have to take on a couple of jobs to do it. It may take longer to get her degree. But at least she can say she took care of her own. I admire and respect you for doing what you should...taking responsibility for yourself and your family. And good luck with your masters.
Aug 27, 2008 at 2:08 p.m.
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Kathy had a good job. i worked with her, she was making more money then me being a lead lady but because she wasnt doing her job she lost it. as for hurting her knee she did that at the xmas party. she was so drunk she fell on the dance floor.maybe if she made better choices she would still be working there and wouldnt of had her kids taken away the first time, why arnt the fathers of her children helping her. and whats more important. food on the table or beer . a cell phone or cable tv. sounds like she has a spending problem too me .. the children should come first
Aug 27, 2008 at 12:33 p.m.
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On the topic of secondary education being a "requirement" and not a luxury I have to partially disagree. I agree wholeheartly that having an education has certainly made things easier for me - but my husband does not have a degree and makes roughly the same as I do! BUT he had to make tough choices to do that - when opportunities came up for more training/moving ahead we made the decision to take them to improve our situation. For my kids college is never discussed as an option - it's just what you do. That said WE are making the necessary plans to pay for it, hopefully there will be scholarships etc but it is not something I feel everyone is entitled to have handed to them. I am working on my MBA AND still have many $$ in student loans from my undergrad - this is my responsibility - so when things are tight my school goes to the bottom of the list, this is just common sense. Sure education will improve your circumstances long run but you have to be able to afford it.
I was at UWM when W2 was rolling out and as a young, MARRIED mom I was signing up for loans to pay for my education while people CHOOSE to have children they were unprepared to support and now expected not only the tab for the children but also their education to be picked up by the state. The outrage of these "parents" at being told they had to get a job and couldn't stay in school forever was amazing!
I am all for getting an education at any point in your life - it will always help - BUT once you make the DECISION to have children that comes first. If you can't feed/clothe/care for your kids your first priority is to provide for them and that takes a job NOW not in 5 years when you are done with school. If you want school to be your top priority do it before you have kids, not at the tax payers expense. I wish I had the "luxury' of DECIDING to take the summer off work & school because I don't need the money, but instead I have to take the fall off school because I won't risk my families stability to pay for classes - when things are more secure I'll resume but first things first I have a family to provide for.
Aug 27, 2008 at 12:38 a.m.
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Its You're..
Aug 26, 2008 at 9:46 p.m.
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Jvldude, it has nothing to do with "your poor folks" unless you're talking about generational poverty.
Aug 26, 2008 at 9:30 p.m.
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if your poor folks. DON'T HAVE KIDS
Aug 26, 2008 at 9:29 p.m.
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that is the type of thinking that keeps you guys poor
Aug 26, 2008 at 11:23 a.m.
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What are you supposed to do when there is no money in your account for ramen noodles? Or school supplies, kids clothes? We buy cheap, generic, used, whatever we have to do. Thanks for your support "truth", it really makes me feel better about it. We do what we have to do to feed our kids. Sorry if that means getting a credit card.
Aug 26, 2008 at 11:13 a.m.
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Totellthetruth: I used to fill up on those noodles because they were cheap. But guess what? They started to look too much like worms and I could no longer stomach them. Maybe that would be considered an overdose.
Aug 26, 2008 at 10:42 a.m.
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"We got our 1st credit card ever a few months ago because we needed groceries" Yeah that makes sense, get your groceries at 29.99% interest.... How long will it take you to pay that off.. That is why God created Ramen noodles... 21 cents per serving. You can make a dollar go a long way... Kids will eat if they are hungry enough!
Aug 26, 2008 at 8:47 a.m.
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Yesterday I had to go sell some aluminum just to get by until tommrow my husbands pay day. Out of that check will come 1/2 our house payment, our last car payment (YEAH)and Alliant bill and credit card bill and we might have enough to get through to my pay check I have worked 3 jobs at one time to keep our heads above water and still give my kids a great life. We have never had any help. My husband is a "brittle" diabetic, he works everyday and is not eligable to go on disablity. His medication is thru the roof even with the insurance (that we pay for) I think there are more people out there that are struggling to make ends meat, with no help!
Aug 26, 2008 at 8:24 a.m.
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NO: You have NO right to blame this on the drug culture..........I HAVE NEVER DONE DRUGS, MY HUSBAND HAS NEVER DONE DRUGS AND WE DON"T DRINK. So since you are a "Doctor" maybe you can tell me then why I have 2 children with ADHD. I also had a daughter that passed away from a chemical imbalance that was genetic. The chemical that over produced was Very Long Chain Fatty Acid it is something every one has in there bodies, her's just produced too much, it affected her brain, her kidneys, liver and muscles, she died when she was 3 wks old. OBTW it has dosen't have anything to do with my other kids having ADHD. Again it is something that just happened
Aug 26, 2008 at 7:40 a.m.
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llund22 and prevention, thank you for reading my story and understanding it, it means alot to me, that there are people out there that appericate the work that a single mother struggles with to rise a child in today society and again thank you sooo much it really means alot
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:42 a.m.
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Choices, choices, choices....you make choices and you live with the consequences. Yes, life is unfair sometimes even when you make a good choice. Good luck is 90% hard work and planning. There are many organizations helping these people: the local schools, medical community, state/federal programs and did you hear one word of thanks to the people who have tried to help them or "this will only be temporary because I'm working/plannning towards a better life"?
Aug 25, 2008 at 11:37 p.m.
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*truth1: There are many chemicals in a person's body. Some over produce and become imbalanced. These imbalances create certain illness and disabilities. This is the way a very wise Doctor explained it when my daughter was diagnoised with ADHD. ADHD is very real and yes I agree it is over diagnoised and there are many ways of treating it.*
You know, I've often wondered why all these behvaior problems in children didn't start showing up until the druggie generation really started cranking out kids.
*But these comment sections on the poverty issue are getting ridiculous. It proves my point of a selfish society and selfishness gone berserk in Janesville.*
Who is more selfish--the person who wants society to give them more than what they deserve or the person who played the game correctly and simply wants to keep what they worked hard to earn?
Aug 25, 2008 at 11:30 p.m.
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Also- we have no toys, no car loans, no student loans, just a mortgage and regular bills, medical bills. We got our 1st credit card ever a few months ago because we needed groceries. Our kids are our priority, we will do whatever it takes to help them to have a wonderful, fulfilled life. I wish I could go back to school, but we can't afford it--kids come first.
Aug 25, 2008 at 10:48 p.m.
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Thanks Slave2society. Great story, great work. You have your priorities in order! I am a married mother of 2,college educated, have a job and my husband has 2 jobs. We are struggling to get by. We do not get any assistance from anyone. Maybe someone should do a story on a family such as "slaves" or mine. People who are working their a**es off and still can't get ahead.
Aug 25, 2008 at 10:39 p.m.
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jethro, As a teacher once told me, he honestly felt, that the students with ADHD don't catch up to education, but education catches up to them. Their brains are going so fast, that they lose interests and most of them can't stand busy work. Once they can get into a subject that will hold their interests and get a teacher and administration that believes in them, success will come. When my son graduate from high school I had an advance math teacher come to me and say how sorry she was that my son wasn't given a better chance in taking higher math courses, because he became a gifted student in math once he got into Geometry. ADHD kids needs chance to succeed. My other son that has ADHD is growing out it now too, he made the honor roll was for the first time last year. He will be a junior, in the honors geometry program and varsity on cross county.
Aug 25, 2008 at 10:22 p.m.
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SlavetoSociety: thank you for being a great role model for those that need it. I know I was raised in a middle class family where my parents would give me the shirt off their backs before letting me go without. I have always taken that for granted.... until I got to the real world and found out how hard it is and the sacrifices Mom and Dad made for me and my sisters.
Although I live at the poverty level now, the values they have instilled in me are ones of the greatest importance.... proper housing, clothing, food, education....
Aug 25, 2008 at 10:17 p.m.
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I love the idea of free speech.
With that said, no offense... But these comment sections on the poverty issue are getting ridiculous. It proves my point of a selfish society and selfishness gone berserk in Janesville. Yes, for those that do not want to see it or wish to pull the blinders over the eyes, there is poverty in Janesville, WI!!
I agree with Sarah, this WILL be yanked... soon, I hope.
Aug 25, 2008 at 10:09 p.m.
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Gee, thanks, whyohwhy (and a few others posting)! It probably won't be long now before this forum is yanked also.
Aug 25, 2008 at 9:06 p.m.
Aug 25, 2008 at 9 p.m.
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Poor. Poor kids. ;o)
Aug 25, 2008 at 8:59 p.m.
Aug 25, 2008 at 8:21 p.m.
Aug 25, 2008 at 7:33 p.m.
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Ok, here goes, I am a single mother of one child and when she was 3 months old her father left us with no money, I had no job, and no way to pay my rent so I had to move... With no money and no where to go I ended up at a homeless shelter and right after I was admited into the shelter, I started recieving foodshare, child care and W2 ect.ect.ect...
When he realized that I didn't need him after all he wanted for me to forgive him for leaving us and start the family thing over and trust him again. I decided the best road to go down with my only child is to NOT put myself or my daughter through that again (cuz you do it once you'll do it again, cuz you know you can get away with it...) and if I would have married him than where would that road have taken me. UUUMMMMM.
Just because you have a child doesn't mean you are going to have a PERFECT marriage, that doesn't mean anything. I got out without the troubles of lawyers and courts and the B.S. that come with being in a bad marriage...
My daughter is 7 years old now and goes to a Catholic school and I work a Full-Time job don't need anymore help from the state and pay for my own child care, my own medical, vision and dental Ins. Her father hasn't seen her since she was 6 months old, his choice because he knows how to contact me he has my phone number which hasn't changed since I got back on my feet, and I don't go looking for him, why should I put confusion in her life right now when we are doing fine by ourself...
We don't have riches and the finer things in life but I will do ANYTHING for her to see that she is properly taking care of and that SHE (not me) has a good education, food on the table every night and clothes on her back which come from the Goodwill and other secondhand stores...
Aug 25, 2008 at 6:09 p.m.
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Why is it she doesn't have a job? I guess I don't understand that part. There are alot of single parents out there who work full time or maybe work part time so you are with the kids when they are home from school. Obviously she didn't learn from the way she grew up so hopefully the children will and will try to do better for themselves.
Aug 25, 2008 at 5:55 p.m.
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I have to say that when I read Sunday's article, the first thing I saw was the "beer & soda" in the fridge. Cartoons on TV - she must have cable, and the dog.... all things that are not necessary. Our society has a problem distinguishing between "needs" and "wants". Wonder if she planted a garden in the spring? Seeds are cheap, and could keep the family fed until the first frost. My grandmother was a professional at "making ends meet" - she lived through the depression with 6 kids and no public assistance. It can be done, but requires a different mindset and determination.
Aug 25, 2008 at 5:02 p.m.
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truth1: There are many chemicals in a person's body. Some over produce and become imbalanced. These imbalances create certain illness and disabilities. This is the way a very wise Doctor explained it when my daughter was diagnoised with ADHD. ADHD is very real and yes I agree it is over diagnoised and there are many ways of treating it. I treated it as a medical issue and not a psychological problem. Maybe this is the reason my children are no longer on meds
Aug 25, 2008 at 4:47 p.m.
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kris99 - She is doing more for her children. She is going to college and getting an education. Once again, an education is not a luxury, it is a requirement. If someone does not know what they do not know how are they supposed to learn it without an education.
Aug 25, 2008 at 4:31 p.m.
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thanks truth1 well said.
Aug 25, 2008 at 4:30 p.m.
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I never said she should totally give up her college aspirations. I think she should put them on hold for now. Or perhaps go part time in order to free up more time for a job.
I also attended college, and I know it is tough and takes hard work. But I also know that part of life is making tough decisions on what is best for your family.
Of course college isn't only for the "rich." It is for the people that want to enrich their lives, gain good employment, learn a skill, and many others. Kathy should certianly pursue a higher education if that is her desire. But, it is coming at a cost to her family. That is where the priveledge part comes in. Her situation does not afford her the luxury of full time student and no employment at this time.
I think it took guts for her to air out her story for the whole city to comment on. And good for her for trying to better her life. It just seems like she could do more for her kids and her situation if she cut back on school.
Aug 25, 2008 at 4:22 p.m.
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Hey Neverbepc, don't fear, as taxpayers, you and I can be assured that these children will be supported until they start having their own kids in 6-10 years.
Single parent households have become the norm in Beloit, now Janesville gets to feel the benefit of 40 years of "the Great Society"
Aug 25, 2008 at 4:12 p.m.
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totellthetruth- Yep, I agree, This article will make more McCain voters then we want to admit.
Aug 25, 2008 at 4:10 p.m.
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no-Hear, hear! My first thought when I heard she lost her children because of no electricity was "Wow, then most of the people that live in the remote backwoods would lose their kids as well."
I know plenty of hard-working parents, with incomes far below Kathy's with a greater number of children, that produce well-behaved, well-nourished, and well-educated children. Some of them are only home-schooled, yet ended up with scholarships to Ivy League colleges.
Aug 25, 2008 at 4:07 p.m.
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I think what I am trying to say, is how does this article help this person in poverty? Does it increase awareness, no! I think it just ticks everyone off a little more that our tax dollars are not being used so unwisely. If this article had mentioned, a person who was trying to get work and could not, being responsible for what little there is, it would have been a positive presentation. I understand what it is like to not have and to have.....When my first daughter was born, we were very broke, but I worked three part time minimum wage jobs, plus went to school full time to put food on the table. I did not drink, I did not smoke, I did not waste money at all. Everything we had went to bills, food and necessities. Hard work and perseverance paid off... You can only mentor those who want mentoring..... You can only give a handout to those who want a hand out...
Aug 25, 2008 at 4:01 p.m.
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Heres an idea that I tried and it seemed to work for me. Don't have kids till you are married.
Simplistic and old fashioned I know. Unrealistic in todays permissive environment, I know. Eurocentric and racist when applied to minority females I know.
But you know what? My kids have 2 parents, we are financially, relatively, secure and they seem to be developing without the issues Cullen is displaying.
Aug 25, 2008 at 3:44 p.m.
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I would agree that ADHD has a tendency to be over diagnosed these days and IN SOME CASES, NOT ALL I agree some parents would rather label the child and use it as an excuse than deal with the child and work on issues. However, my child has ADHD and there definitely is a difference between "high-energy" and hyperactive and unless you are faced with it you may never know the difference.
Aug 25, 2008 at 3:31 p.m.
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If "ADHD" is a chemical imbalance in the brain, then what are the chemicals that are imbalanced and HOW did they determine there was an imbalance??
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I've never heard of chemicals being taken from a live person's brain and tested for quantity or "balance".
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This is a HOAX.
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Aug 25, 2008 at 2:57 p.m.
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Wow, (ithappens) your Dad spanked ADHD out of you? Did he drop you on your head too?
ADHD is a neurological condition caused by a chemical imbalance. But forget about all that "science stuff" apparently your Dad knew the "real cure" for these conditions was child abuse.
Aug 25, 2008 at 2:57 p.m.
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kris99 - Excuse me, but college is a privilege not a right? I don't think so. College is not just for the rich (although with how much it costs these days one could argue that point). One way to break the cycle is to get an education. How many "rich" people that attend school full time and have children get told to sacrifice their college aspirations. Having attended college, I can tell you first hand that it is certaintly not a day at the beach.
Aug 25, 2008 at 2:56 p.m.
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Kathy, if you're reading these posts, please don't be discouraged by everyone who is judging you based on the Gazette's snapshot of your life.
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Keep going to school. College is your best route out of poverty, and if your children see you complete college and get a good-paying job with benefits, they will remember it forever. They will also know that college is a worthwhile choice for their own futures.
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They are young enough that over time, they will forgive you for any poor decisions you made in the past and will admire you for turning your life around.
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If I may make a suggestion or two, please look into any free parenting or money management classes that are available (such as Exchange Family Resource Center or Lutheran Social Services). I know you're already overwhelmed, but we could all use some helpful parenting tricks or tips on budgeting and setting priorities.
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You have set several goals for yourself and your family. Keep it up! You have difficult times ahead of you, but it will only get better over time.
Aug 25, 2008 at 2:54 p.m.
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......and you can "mentor" all you want, most of them will just tell you they'll do as they please and its none of your business.
Aug 25, 2008 at 2:52 p.m.
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jtmek - You're right about the violent tv affecting the behavior, sugary foods(pop, candy) affect it too, but as long as taxpayers pay for the problems, the parents don't have to be concerned about it..And that is NOT an attack on any particular person, its the case with THOUSANDS.
Aug 25, 2008 at 2:15 p.m.
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My frustration lies in a couple of things. First, her kids are late to school. Why not start earlier so they can make it to school? Tardiness doesn't just impact the student. The teacher has to take time away from all the other students who are responsible to catch the tardy student up with what's going on. Secondly, why was she letting her child watch a violent cartoon? Any child, but especially a child with ADHD and behavior issues, should not be watching violence on TV, even if it's just aliens fighting.
I just don't get it. If you're going to have children, especially 4 of them, then one must be prepared for the hard work of parenting them!
Aug 25, 2008 at 2:09 p.m.
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Come on, Janesville mom. You know we didn't say all poor people make bad choices with their money. I said they tend to, and I stand by that.
I think you missed the point. The tattoo, beer, etc. are only bad choices when you can't afford them. When buying them means that the taxpayers of your state will have to subsidize your kids' food!
And, as for being a mentor, I am--to my daughters, who will grow up to know the difference between right and wrong. Whether to feed your family or crack open a Budweiser. Simple things like that, which will ensure that they'll be able to prosper and teach those things to their kids.
It's not a secret the "haves" keep from the "have nots". It's the simple resolve to make things happen.
Maybe I see things too black and white. Either you do it or you don't. It is or it isn't. There's very little in-between.
Aug 25, 2008 at 2:04 p.m.
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*Kathy, 36, has seen those effects in her own children as she struggles to pull her family out of poverty.*
It's odd that people used to live barefoot in the wilds of Wisconsin with broods numbering nearly a dozen in a one room duguout in the side of a hill, but they somehow managed to get by even without birth control, air conditioning, Ritalin, Verizon Wireless and SSI.
Aug 25, 2008 at 1:43 p.m.
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gina51: I live in the "4th Ward" it is now located around the the Milton Ave area. I believe you mean the "Old 4th Ward"
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jethro: once you have lived with a child with ADHD you can see the changes that maturity does to some one. My son who has ADHD (in 11th grade) told me today "Mom I think i'll be organized this year, I can just feel it." This is something we have worked on since the 2nd grade. Neither of my ADHD childern is on meds they quit taking them a few years ago. Once these children find there niche in the world find a teacher/mentor that understands them it means the sky is the limit and they can do anything. My daughter starts Blackhawk Tech tonight and my son just got home from Football practice.......he is a starter!
Aug 25, 2008 at 1:39 p.m.
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I'm gonna take a lot of grief for this comment but here it goes. She had an "on-again off-again" relationship with this guy who sometimes beat her. Yet she had 4 children with him in 5 years, and the article doesn't say anything about them being married, so the taxpayers of this state are going to be the ones supporting this family. My heart goes out to families who struggle to make ends meet. With the economy the way it is these days, that is becoming more difficult for many families. But you have to make sacrifices for your family and it doesn't seem like she is sacrificing much. Also, I have 2 dogs, a cat, and lizard and I spend less than $75 per month on them.
Aug 25, 2008 at 1:22 p.m.
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Not all poor people make bad choices and not all rich people make good ones. Tatoos, alcohol, cigarettes? What young Hollywood star isn't into these things and worse? Those are the "role models" these children grow up watching on TV and we wonder why they make these choices?
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Don't judge and complain if you are a person making good decisions... be a mentor!
Aug 25, 2008 at 1:17 p.m.
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ynot, what happened to your childs brain chemicals in 10th grade? Did he out grow ADHD or did he just figured out that he had to do well even without your help to better himself?
Aug 25, 2008 at 1:14 p.m.
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Great comments ynot5462. Everybody has struggles...some worse than others. Some people choose to let the struggles rule them, some choose to overcome. ADHD does not cause a family to go into poverty. I do believe this child mentioned has some serious issues but proper counseling, meds, and setting better examples sure could help this family on a better track. Life is hard and you learn things as you go.
Aug 25, 2008 at 1:03 p.m.
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Once again the public and the media do not understand what ADHD is. From someone who has raised two boys with it and my experience fighting with schools, teachers, working with IEPs and 501s, I tell people I have earned a Master Degree in ADHD. Like Tipi16 stated children who are ADHD do not learn or think like the regular students and most children do not get SSI because of it. ADHD children minds are going so fast that they get bored easy and they react. This young man is angry, because he feels different, and his home life is different. He is mad at his mom and believe it or not his dad too. How would you like to be a child and know your dad don't want anything to do with you. He wants to act like other kids in his class. But because of his brain chemistry, he has a hard time. ADHD is about brain chemistry and not behavior. No amount of spankings will get rid of ADHD. I was a single mom with a ADHD son, the only kid in school on medication. Homework was a nightmare, please let him stay on task was part of my daily prayer, I did everything possible to get him through elementary school and middle school was a total waste of time. His kindergarten teacher told me that my son would never write, read, or be capable of drawing a circle. But then all of a sudden in 10th grade when he could pick the classes ( no special ed )he was interested in which included college prep classes, he started making honors and even high honors. He graduated from high school with honors. Oh boy I wanted to take that honor code and shove it in the face of that kindergarten teacher. He went on and graduated from MATC with a two year degree. He is a hardworking young man that have inspired many parents that live with children with ADHD. Kathy don't give up on your sons, help them do their best. It takes time, patience, love. I know how one can get overwhelmed and so tired of hearing nothing but bad news about a son that you love very much. Life certainly haven't been kind to you and some of these comments are trying to put you into a darker hole. There are many people out here that understands your plight.
Aug 25, 2008 at 12:54 p.m.
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One thing that stuck out to me about this series was that Kathy is attending school and not working at all in the summer and very little in the school year. Great that she wants to get an education, but i think that needs to be put on the back burner for a little while. She needs to start a serious job search and seek out some career/job counseling. Work hard, earn money, work towards a new position, show a boss what you can do, and set an example for her 4 children. They are old enough to learn a lot from a hard-working mother, she could still teach them the value of hard work and earning a dollar. I know, Janesville is struggling, jobs are scarce, she doesn't have a car, she'd lose some of her assistance. But those are all excuses. The least she could do is try to find a good job. It doesn't really sound like she's interested in doing that at all.
Daycare is expensive, I know that. But the kids are in school all day soon. Can't she work at least during that time, then send them to an afterschool program? Does anyone know of any good ones, I have lost track of what's available and have never been involved with youngsters while living in Janesville. But there must be something.
College is a great way to better yourself, and its great that she wants to do so. However, college is a priveledge, not a right. I think she needs to sacrafice her college ambitions for the time being and afford her children some more priveledges. After all, she chose to become a parent and that means giving up some of your own comforts and priveledges for your kids, no matter how much money you have in the bank.
Aug 25, 2008 at 12:52 p.m.
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cell phone, cigarettes, tattoos, case of beer in the fridge....it sounds like she makes CHOICES in life like many people do....bad choices. I DO feel sorry for the children though. They are destined to be 4th generation welfare recipients if the mother doesn't get her act together. Maybe the kids would be better off in foster care.
Aug 25, 2008 at 12:39 p.m.
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I missed the cigarettes, but you can add the Bud Light to the list.
I can save this family a pretty good chunk of money right now. Stop smoking (Can't confirm the cigarettes--still couldn't spot them). Stop drinking. Give the dog away.
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We can argue all day long that I and some others are being elitist and making assumptions about the beer and tattoo in the photos, so let's remove this particular family from the equation. In general, people living in poverty tend to make bad decisions on how to spend the little money the do have.
It's anecdotal, but I'm right.
Aug 25, 2008 at 12:38 p.m.
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“That’s why I’m not too stressed about getting a job,” she said. “Yeah, I really want one. Do we financially need one? No.
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This is why she is in poverty and probably always will be. How can she not be stressed about getting a job and think that financially she doesn't need one? I guess she doesn't think so since she can just continue to live off the taxpayers money.
Aug 25, 2008 at 12:30 p.m.
Aug 25, 2008 at 11:57 a.m.
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marymac
Great job. I'll bet your boys are better young men for it as well. I've got to say, I've seen some comments in certain blog topics that make me wonder if the people posting them actually could possibly believe what they post. This topic however, I've seen some of the most heartfelt, logical posts I've ever witnessed in this site. I think it's a testament to the times we're in. We're heading for some of the most trying times in economic history. Now more than ever, we're going to need to rely on each other. It's time to put people's strengths to work and learn to live as one if we're going to survive these times. It's nice to see people humbling themselves to tell their stories of struggle so that it may be an example for others to follow so they can triumph. If we all can focus on the positive and find the silver lining in alot of the negative that seems to hit us constantly, we can all play our part in making a difference in others lives. Thanks everyone for you courage to make a difference!
Aug 25, 2008 at 11:51 a.m.
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You were good to catch the tattoo, but did you catch the cell phone and cigerettes?
Aug 25, 2008 at 11:30 a.m.
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Opinion only here I had my struggles and so have many others. I think the med field are to quick to put labels on kids my goodness we as kids were very active and my mom raised 7 of us majority as single mom not one of us needed meds to stop us from 'BEING KIDS' and she did OK life is hard at times and I as a single parent seen alot of hard times but the bottom line is 1 PARENTING SKILS 2 A JOB 3 WILLING TO DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES 4 CONSISTANCY AND DISCIPLINE 5 STOP RELYING ON THE EASIER SOFTER WAY........Get a plan with the needs and your life and do it. I had 4 boys and learned to live without the luxeries and extras and now they are adults and I still conserve and get by with the basics as I LEARNED TO during the hard times and now my life is ok and with the prices of things today I am grateful i had the chance to learn how to conserve.
Aug 25, 2008 at 11:21 a.m.
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I am sorry was the tatoo dated? For all you know she could have had that since she was 18. Grow up.
Aug 25, 2008 at 11:18 a.m.
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LydiaR, in some ways, it does. If you are single parent, and you are working/and or going to school and working, there just aren't enough hours in the day to spend with those children. When it was just my son and I, I had a teacher chastise me for "working too much" which was causing my son to be angry, he was in daycare for too many hours, in her opinion. So, where do you draw the line. It was either the work or welfare, but she didn't seem to get that.
I also think that in past generations, while yes there was poverty, there was more of a family unit. Parents and grandparents were all sharing the same housing and alot of grandparents were raising the grandchildren. I don't think that is as common, as the grandparents are now working until they are alot older.
Aug 25, 2008 at 11:16 a.m.
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I think the mom as well as the kids need mentors. She sounds as though she is over whelmed. But at some point you have to pull your self up by your shoe laces, boot straps what ever and say 'enough' I want better. Give those kids responsibility, follow through with consequences when rules are broken. It is just so easy to say, ' do what ever' but then the patterns continue if there are no consequences.
Show your kids how you want them to live. If you want them to have better. Show them you go to work every day , show them they don't get things if they don't 'work' or 'behave' .
With working comes a lot of pride and self respect even if you are working at a min. hrly wage job. Because you are doing it.
As far as the health care there are family's out there with two incomes who can't afford health care. BADGERCARE is a great program.
We have health insurance but its nickel and diming us to death on top of our premiums, we pay more and they cover less.
So for all you ' I am better than her' attitude. Take a good look at your self, before you go criticizing others.
Our son is bipolar and it has been quite a ride. But people with 'perfect' kids just don't understand mental issues and don't want to .
They are very real, and it takes a lot of extra effort to keep in control, and then control can change on a dime.
Some one asked how one would go about helping with school supplys for these kids, and I have not heard a answer on that if anyone has one.
Aug 25, 2008 at 11:15 a.m.
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GOOD point, ithappens.
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"ADHD" works very well for social service budgets and lawyers and judges and ....................
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I'm sure there are some actual problems but its WAY overblown.
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Aug 25, 2008 at 11:13 a.m.
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...Choices to spend $75 on "dog supplies" and taxpayer dollars on human supplies...
Good catch on the tattoo. I had to go back and find the photo from yesterday. Sure enough.
Aug 25, 2008 at 10:51 a.m.
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I feel for the children, they are the ones who will ultimately suffer. I wonder how much longer it will take for the Gazette to stop comments on this article?????
Choices are made, good choices and bad choices. Choices to spend the kids money on tatoo's, choices not to work, choices to work.
Why not mention the names and address of the father(s)... Are they not responsible for the poverty also??
Aug 25, 2008 at 10:47 a.m.
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I had ADHD when i was a child. Till my dad spanked it out of me!!! Time out didnt exist back in the day and neither did ADHD. Seems to me that today most kids are pegged with ADHD.
Aug 25, 2008 at 10:41 a.m.
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I want to highlight some facts from this article and another one about the same family. http://www.gazettextra.com/news/2008/aug...
Fact 1. Kathy "can’t remember a time when her family wasn’t on food stamps."
Fact 2. Four kids. She has four kids.
Poverty didn't sneak up on her. She's always been in it, yet she chose to have four kids with an abusive man.
Fact 3. Warren Buffett has three kids.
Our children are ultimately affected by our choices.
Aug 25, 2008 at 9:58 a.m.
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Whatever happened to the old saying "The child that swallows the most marbles doesnt live to reproduce." We got to stop coddling these people.
Aug 25, 2008 at 9:47 a.m.
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I'm sure sosside4life knows how to write.
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And, yes, for all those under 40 paying social insecurity taxes, the joke is on you(and me).
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Aug 25, 2008 at 9:44 a.m.
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does poverty keep parents form being parents? Is this problem due to poverty or just lack of parenting skills. Past generations certainly grew up in poverty levels. They weren't medicated and collecting SS. It's time to take back the responsibilty for your actions instead of putting the blame on everyone else.
Aug 25, 2008 at 9:21 a.m.
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soside4life. You should take a grammar course at BTC and LEARN how to WRITE.
Aug 25, 2008 at 9:17 a.m.
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Good point tipi16. I think they are calling ADHD an emotional problem. Emotional/behavior problems are completely different issues than ADHD. I think that needs to be made clear.
Aug 25, 2008 at 7:22 a.m.
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Not all childern with ADHD get SSI. Only the ones who have some type of emotional problems get it. I have two sucessful children who have ADHD and have never gotten one dollar from SSI. The Gazzette has again generalized that all kids with ADHD have emotional problems. I hate to tell you but there are students in TAG that are ADHD. Students with ADHD learn diffrent and when schools learn how to capture this energy an use it for the students own good the student will becoame successful. Most students with ADHD are smart sometimes too smart for there own good and that's what gets them in trouble. Parents of ADHD children need to parent diffrently. My kids have been raised in a stable 2 parent family. Where Dad is very active with the kids. We are in the upper working poor. Just living paycheck to paycheck. We don't know why two of our kids have ADHD and why one dosn't. It's something that we can't blame on no one or no one thing. It just happened.
Aug 25, 2008 at 2:18 a.m.
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