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To reduce stress this holiday season lower your expectations of perfection

JANESVILLE — "It's the hap-happiest season of alllll!"

Missing from the famous Christmas song however is, "It's the most stress-stressful season of all!"

With a home to clean and decorate, presents to buy, meals and treats to bake and family and friends to host, the holiday season can be overwhelming.

Not to mention living in a recession and soaring local job losses.

Here are tips from area experts about how to deal with the stress—and sometimes depression—of "the most wonderful time of the year."

It's the most wonderful time of the year

With the kids jingle-belling

Share duties and responsibilities, and get the kids involved, said Bill Hollingsworth, a clinical psychotherapist and director of Janesville Psychiatric Clinic.

A pandemic is spreading of everyone retreating to their own rooms at home, he said.

"Get people out, interacting," he said. "Nothing helps more than to get people working on a project."

And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer"

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Instead, everyone is telling you what to do to help: Stick to a budget, eat healthy, said David Pierce, a psychiatrist at Mercy Options in Janesville.

But who creates a budget at Christmas or doesn't overeat at the holidays? he said. While the advice continues by saying "Don't try to be perfect," all the previous advice was telling you to be exceptional.

"To err is to be human," he said.

With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings

When friends come to call

Given today's economy, "it might be time to go back to some old-fashioned things," Hollingsworth said.

Inexpensive, from-the-heart gifts can bring the family together, such as baking and decorating cookies, he said.

But know your boundaries, and learn to say no, he said, for times when people ask if you can bring 12 dozen cookies to a party tomorrow.

There'll be parties for hosting

Which can be very awkward or troublesome with relatives you often don't see.

"Plan activities instead of just having everyone sit around and drink alcohol," said Lissa Myhre, a clinical social worker at Genesis Counseling Services in Janesville.

Have structured activities such as a rented DVD, a piano recital or board game, she said.

Watch your alcohol intake, too, she said.

And tales of the glories of

Christmases long, long ago

Above all, the most important thing people need to do is have a realistic perspective on the holidays and cut their expectations, all of the experts interviewed said.

"Expectations are some of the hardest things this time of year," Hollingsworth said.

People say, "I remember Christmas when …," but experts say to cut the expectations.

"I think people overextend themselves," Myhre said.

Take time for yourself, Pierce said, whether it's a walk, a few minutes of quiet relaxation, watching your favorite TV show or reading a trashy novel.

And hearts will be glowing

When love ones are near

But it can be heartbreaking when loved ones aren't near, or they're gone. The first set of holidays without a loved one are the most difficult.

When Hollingsworth's wife died of cancer four years ago, the first Christmas without her was his most rugged and difficult, he said.

"Knowing what you can and can't do (will help)," he said. "It's so critical to have a support system."

Have good family and friends near you to talk to and express your feelings, he said.

Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is for real, and Myhre encourages people to get sunshine.

The idea that suicides increase at the holidays is not true, according to numerous studies and experts. While Myhre said her caseloads fluctuate, referrals actually drop around the holidays and late summer. She said she doesn't see an influx of referrals until late winter and early spring.

She points to ancient Greek doctor Hippocrates' four things to combat depression: Sleep well, eat well, exercise and do good things for people.

Faith also can be "enormously helpful" this time of year, Pierce said.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

"We need to be very, very grateful for what we have—our health, our family—nobody's perfect," Hollingsworth said.