JANESVILLE — Somebody should tell them.
The United Way parking lot is not a good place to score.
Of course, it’s not their fault; it’s only Mother Nature driving them on.
No, we’re not talking about fraternity boys; we’re talking about carp, those vile bottom-feeding beasts with mole-like snouts and coloring like vomit.
Throughout downtown Janesville, carp are swimming up the newly made North Main Street River.
The parking lot of the United Way, 205 N. Main St., is their favorite gathering place. As clusters of flood tourists watch, the carp charge out of a seething pool at the bottom of the lot and swim against the current up the parking lot’s gentle slope.
Paddling their tail fins vigorously, they usually make it about halfway up the lot and then are tumbled backward into the pool.
“What you’re seeing is a typical response to rising water conditions,” said Don Bush, Department of Natural Resources fisheries manager. “It’s nature’s way of spreading the species.”
Carp are attempting to swim upriver to new spawning grounds. Those grounds might provide shallower pools of water, good for laying eggs. The water, it seems, is always shallower on the other side of the fence.
“Some of the carp have spawned already, but some spawn all the way through August,” Bush said.
Female carp tend to date indiscriminately: Five or six male carps will chase a single female, and she might produce eggs for all of them.
Alas, it’s not about romance, it’s about reproduction.
And speaking of romance, don’t even think about taking your spouse or significant other down to the North Main Street River for a romantic evening of spear fishing.
The DNR prohibits fishing using any other method than hook or line within 200 feet of a fishway, lock or dam.
As the water recedes, the majority of carp will end up back in the river. A few might end up dead on lawns and sidewalks, lovelorn victims of their own hormones.