Family, friends mourn loved one
Photo
A small memorial for Erica Ostenson has been erected outside her home at 412 1/2 S. Academy St. in Janesville. Ostenson was shot to death there Wednesday by a former boyfriend.
JANESVILLE — A homemade wooden cross and extinguished candles this morning fronted the yellow police tape that declares Erica Ostenson's home on Academy Street a crime scene.
"We will miss you, friend," someone wrote on the cross.
Ostenson's family and friends held a memorial service Wednesday night for the woman who was shot to death that morning on her front stoop earlier that day, allegedly by a jealous ex-boyfriend. Her 5-year-old son, Damon, was home from Wilson Elementary School that day because staff was holding an orientation for new kindergarteners.
Sheryl Miller, coordinator of public information for the school district, said letters were sent home with school children Wednesday, and counselors and social workers were on duty this morning.
That the killing occurred in front of the small child especially horrified residents.
Damon attended Wednesday's memorial, and Brandi Wepking, a friend, said Damon is doing OK and understands some of what happened.
"He knows that Mommy is in heaven and not coming back," Wepking said.
Ostenson's mother is not doing so well, Wepking said.
Ostenson was "an awesome mother," said another friend, Holly Telford. "She was awesome …. a big sweetheart."
Telford helped Ostenson celebrate her 25th birthday a week ago.
After the shooting, friends said Kyle Hicke, 37, now of Milton but formerly of Janesville, had been threatening Ostenson since he got out of jail March 29, even sending her threatening text messages.
"He (Hicke) was just blowing up her phone with texts," said another friend, Shayna Adcox, 24.
Police took Hicke into custody later Wednesday morning after a high-speed chase during which he taunted police and neighbors and traumatized friends with an obscene gesture from his truck.
Wepking said after the shooting that she had told her best friend to stay away from Hicke.
Amanda Helling, 24, another friend, said Hicke dated Ostenson for five years. But when he recently went to jail, Ostenson told him she didn't want to be with him anymore, Helling recalled.
When Hicke was released from jail, he tried to get back together with Ostenson.
"She told him no," Wepking said. "He asked her to marry him. She said no."
When she refused, he threatened her, her son and the man she was dating.
Helling said Hicke was angry that Ostenson was dating someone else.
"He told Erica he was going to kill her," Wepking said. "He told her if he couldn't have her, nobody was going to.
"I told her to go the cops," Wepking said.
"I know he was crazy, but I didn't think he would actually do it."
Helling and Wepking were in tears Wednesday morning, recalling how the three girls had grown up together in the Fourth Ward. Helling remembered riding bikes together along Academy Street.
Another friend, Holly Kroning, 35, was in shock Wednesday afternoon. Word of the killing had spread quickly through the neighborhood.
Kroning lives several blocks from Ostenson and had just seen her and her son the night before. Kroning watched the 5-year-old boy for a short time.
Kroning met Ostenson when Kroning was dating Damon's father, who is not Hicke.
Adcox said she also went out with Hicke while he was seeing Ostenson. Adcox said Hicke had "bad bipolar and depression problems."
Adcox said she used to live with Ostenson, Hicke and Damon. Adcox said Hicke had been verbally abusive to Adcox.
Kroning said, "From what (Ostenson) told me, he was abusive."
Hicke had a pattern of violence, including six arrests for disorderly conduct and three for battery, said Dave Moore, acting police chief.
Five of the incidents were domestic disturbances. Hicke was arrested for disorderly conduct and domestic violence in June 2008 after an incident involving Ostenson, Moore said.
"I didn't realize the extent of what was going on," Kroning said.
Wednesday afternoon, Kroning was struck by how fragile life is. She had seen Ostenson just the night before when she had watched Damon.
"I'm still in shock in finding out that she's gone," Kroning said. "Less than 24 hours ago, I just saw her."
Ostenson was a genuine, caring, kind person, Kroning said. She was fun to be around.
Ostenson had attended Craig High School and was a member of the class of 2003. On her MySpace page, Ostenson said she liked to read, draw and spend time with her son.
Kroning said "life was fun" for Ostenson. She liked to "hang out with friends and just basically be around people."
"She was a good girl," said Amanda Helling. "When people needed help, she would help."
Wepking said her friend was "always there when you needed her." She was "very outgoing, energetic and her son was her life."
"She was a good friend to a lot of people," Adcox said.
Ostenson adored her son and did the best she could for him, she said.
"She didn't deserve none of this."
May 6, 2009 at 9:34 a.m.
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Erica we MISS YOU!!!!!!!....
i think that he is defanitly trying to get money
but for all of the wrong reasons!
Yes,
the money is for Damon,, but give it to someone who will actually use it for the right reasons..
In my opinion it is really wierd that.. When I drove by Erica's house her son was outside playing,,,
WHY?????
Hasn't he been through enough trauma.. BY seeing his mother getting shot, and killed in that exact same spot.....
I just don't understand... Isn't that going to be more traumatizing for him????
My thoughts and prayers are with the family, Friends and those that knew this very kind loving lady. May her presence not be forgotten.
<<<<<R.I.P. ERICA... WE LOVE YOU && MISS YOU VERY MUCH...>>>>>>;(
May 2, 2009 at 5:15 p.m.
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I would just like to say James is a big part of Damon's life and always has been maybe all you people who don't know , should'nt say anything! I'm a friend of James and Erica's!!!!!!
Apr 28, 2009 at 2:56 p.m.
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Wellll if the father cannot afford to raise little Damon then obviously he should go to a relative that can provide for him and try to give him a decent home!
Apr 26, 2009 at 2:10 p.m.
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AaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I told you - the website is a scam - look up the DADDY who is begging for money to help raise his son. Domestic abuse, disorderly conduct, restraining order, child support, eviction (while he lived with the defendent),operating while revoked, worthless checks,bail jumping, child support. There you go all you people who have been bashing me for pointing out the obvious. You want him raising your kids - better yet send him some money!
Apr 26, 2009 at 12:13 p.m.
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I honestly don't know why my comment keeps on getting removed i'm not against funds for the family as long as they go to the deserved person....i'm only trying to let unsuspecting people who donate to damon's fund whats really up
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I just want everyone who is considerin donating money to damons fund to give it to the grieving family and not damons fater.....His last name is secor and he has spent time in jail himself for the same type of thing..... I should know i'm one of his victims....He's been in jail for domestic violence i know this for a fact....I am also the mother of his seven year old son that he has not supported...James is just fishing for money because he doesn't work...He will not use that money for his son...and i hope the courts will see his record and keep him from getting custody...damons been through enough he doesn't need anymore trauma....DON'T TRY TO DENY THIS J.W. YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS AND YOU KNOW I'M TELLING THE TRUTH
Apr 26, 2009 at 10:34 a.m.
Apr 26, 2009 at 9:36 a.m.
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just curious. i took it that you calling ericas family losers, if thats not what you meant i apologize. i too agree about he father. i went on the site for this little boys fund,and there were no last names given, which i found strange.and dont they usually set these up at a local bank? if one was named i must have missed it. i do not see anything wrong with this family asking for help,and i would love to help but im not putting my debit or credit card number on any website that i know nothing about,and thats how i read it, i need more information about this fund.unless you know these people personaly would you really let someone have your card number,more information on this fund please.and before anyone thinks im critizing this family in anyway because i want more info on this fund iam not. i do not know them to judge them,what has happened to them is a horrible thing,and people do need to be kind to ericas mother and family not critical,i know, i buried a child, and ericas mothers world just crashed. so please be nice,and when you make statements about the fund, and the family be nice, because that will cost you nothing.
Apr 26, 2009 at 6:42 a.m.
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Melstew47: I'm not calling the mother a loser - Why won't the so-called Dad and his friends put their last names on the website - very suspicious!
Apr 26, 2009 at 1:22 a.m.
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this is awful calling this dead womans family losers. the fund may be a little suspicious to some, but to be calling them names, is very wrong. and yes i would be also making sure the father had custody of this little boy before i sent anything,he wasnt around much before now why all of a sudden he wants to be father of the year. can you imagine how awful ericas mother will feel if she reads the post being called a loser. some people in janesville are so critical,especially if someone doesnt fit in their neat little circle.
Apr 25, 2009 at 8:19 p.m.
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If your going to give to The boys fathers site, you might want to do a little checking first & make sure he has custody. Why did that site go up so quickly, & so poorly? And from my understanding.. the victims mother has custody right now, & the father just may not get custody. Just make sure your giving to the right person!
Apr 25, 2009 at 3:21 p.m.
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My sincere apologies, justcurious, I stand corrected. I don't think we should judge this family though, I know first hand that the fund is legitimate and that the family is in need of assistance and support right now. Again, I was wrong to assume and I am truly sorry.
Apr 25, 2009 at 2:32 p.m.
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Rodrigo - You couldn't be more wrong. I had a sister murdered by someone just like this scumbag. The only difference that I can see is that my family handled it in a very different manner (privately). As far as this child father goes, why is he and the rest of these losers remaining anonymous. I've never heard of an ANONYMOUS website that doesn't use last names. Why can't they give their last names? Are the hiding something?
Apr 25, 2009 at 1:19 p.m.
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And besides that, people who ask for help from their community in a time of crisis shouldn't be chastized as being beggars. They are people in need, there is a difference. I sincerely hope that you don't find yourself in that position one day, justcurious, and judging from your commentary it seems to me that you think you are immune to ever finding yourself in a situation where you may need help from strangers. Believe me, you're not immune to it, and neither is anyone else, regardless of how financially (or otherwise) secure you think you are.
Apr 25, 2009 at 1:10 p.m.
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The FULL responsibility now does. What makes you think he wasn't partially responsible before all this? Besides, there are funeral costs and medical expenses, and fund raisers are held in this town all of the time to help people in need. I plan to help this family in any way I can. If you don't want to, that's fine, there's plenty of other people who do.
Apr 25, 2009 at 9:19 a.m.
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Oh pleeeeeze, this is a disgrace. The website says that the finanacial responsibilty NOW rests on Damon's father James S???? He should have been financially responsible for the boy from day 1 - Not begging for money now!
Apr 24, 2009 at 10:45 p.m.
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Sandman and Justcurious, I can assure you that the family IS NOT begging for money. I have met with them, and they are a family agonizing over the loss of their mother, daughter, sister and friend Erica and the emotional scarring of their beloved 5 year old Damon. How do you think Damon is dealing with this? I can tell you, about as well as you would think an innocent 5 year old child would deal with this-HE BLAMES HIMSELF!!!!! How challenging do you think it's going to be for the family to raise him, to educate him and help him through his emotional problems brought on by this, as well as grieve the loss themselves? And be able to pay for it all? I think I can speak for the people of Janesville when I say that it's an attrotious thing to consider the motives of this grieving family as ulterior, especially when the family has done the right thing and claimed their responsibility to rally around the little boy- who is just as much a victim in this case as his mother-and take on the responsibility of raising him. Do you have any clue about how tough of a road they have ahead of them? Or maybe you just never had that kind of support...
Apr 24, 2009 at 10:12 p.m.
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My thoughts and prayers go out to this young lady's family. I've walked in their shoes and trust me, their nightmare is just beginning. It will be hard to grieve and try to get through the days when they now have to read about this scum bag in the newspapers and then the legal trials will start and the pain will continue as every detail is examined and drug out for at least a year to get to trial. 14 years ago my sister, Susan Anderson was murdered by her husband. Next year we have to start going to parole hearing for that scumbag, as he got Life, oh but the judge gave him a chance at parole after 15 years. Yeah, thanks Rock Co. Judge for making us have to go through this from now on. So, my heart brakes for this family since they will suffer. I hope that their friends and loved ones will realize that they need support and prayers for many, many years.
Apr 24, 2009 at 6:16 p.m.
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Well said jilly. I lived in that same appartment many years ago and I kinda feel a strange connection to her and her family. My son was the same age as her son and I too was a single mom. It makes me think of how easy it is to come across that one person that will turn everything upside down. I truely hope that one day her sweet little boy will be able to get this horrible thing out of his head and be able to feel safe and secure. To Erica's family may God help you through this time and help you find strength.
Apr 24, 2009 at 2:43 p.m.
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I would like to say that I am sorry for the family and for her son. I have been through this same thing with a family member and even though it's been almost a year it still hurts the same. No one knows why people do what they do, but right now the only thing we can do is pray for this family. And please remember that these comments are read by family and friends and please have consideration for them while posting your comments. They are grieving right now and unless you've been in this situation before you don't know how bad they are hurting. As a community i believe that we should stand against all of the nonsense on these blogs and realize that there are many individuals that are hurting from this senseless act. My prayers and thoughts go out to her family. The hurt and pain never go away and even though time passes never does the pain.
Apr 24, 2009 at 1:19 p.m.
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I tried the website cannot get in to ask, has anyone heard of when or where the funeral will be and who is handling it. I would like to send a card and a little help with expenses.
Apr 24, 2009 at 11:20 a.m.
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R.I.P Erica
Youre in a better place and god will make sure your son and family are looked over and well taken care of....
Apr 24, 2009 at 10:06 a.m.
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Even if they would have reported it, if he wanted her dead, he would have found a way to do it. Poor Baby , pray for this family.
Apr 24, 2009 at 9:21 a.m.
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I just want to say R.I.P. My thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends.
Apr 24, 2009 at 9:07 a.m.
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justcurious you are sandman are dirtbags, this article is about remembering a woman who lost her life in front of her son, and you are questioning a community who is pulling together to raise money to help support this little boy who has no mother now, you two are low lifes and you need to think about if this was your family member would you want people on here making rude remarks probably not
Apr 24, 2009 at 9:05 a.m.
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So ... did any of these concerned friends or family report the issues identified in this article to the police? Did the victim do so? Did she file for a restraining order or take any legal steps to even try and keep Hicke away or in check to the extent that such legal actions can? Did she try and access help, either family, friends, the YWCA domestic violence programs, or some other source?
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even if they did not that does not make it okay for what happened this guy is evil and personally i think you are evil for making this remark while people are remembering their loved one jerk
Apr 24, 2009 at 8:47 a.m.
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First let me start by saying that I don’t know this family at all. Therefore: Are you kidding me?? The family and friends are NOT begging for money. The reason the link was posted is because people were asking if they could help. The fact that people are playing the what if and could of/should of game is not going to bring Erica back. The point being made by several people is that she was a kind, loving person. They are not asking for pitty or money for some random cause. The family and friends are responding to both the compassionate who want to donate and the ignorant who give the impression that Erica deserved this. I hope the family and friends all the best. Godspeed.
Apr 24, 2009 at 8:14 a.m.
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Sandman: I'm with you on this - isn't it odd that all these do-gooders, coming out of the woodwork family and friends who have set up websites begging for money (less than 24 hours after the fact)care sooooooo much now that she is dead.
Apr 24, 2009 at 6:50 a.m.
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Her mother has lost a daughter, her son has lost his mother! Do you think we could focus more on making sure this sick thing doesn't happen to another innocent person. You can't go back. What if this, did she, did they,? Now's not the time to play the blame game. I know that from this I have learned that if I were to ever see this happening with a friend of mine I would know what to do and who to contact.
Apr 24, 2009 at 1:27 a.m.
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So ... did any of these concerned friends or family report the issues identified in this article to the police? Did the victim do so? Did she file for a restraining order or take any legal steps to even try and keep Hicke away or in check to the extent that such legal actions can? Did she try and access help, either family, friends, the YWCA domestic violence programs, or some other source?
Apr 23, 2009 at 10:34 p.m.
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My thoughts and prayers go out to Erica's family and especially her precious little damon.She will always be close in my heart. A wonderful friend and mother. She made her mark on this world in the short time she was here.And as far as Kyle- I don't wish death, May he live to be a ripe old age- and everyday he is alive may he always remember What he has done. He took the life of a mother, a daughter, a sister, a very good friend to many. I dont care what he may have been on it does not excuse the selfless act of taking a life. May he wake up every morning for the rest of his life thinking about what he has done and I can hope and pray that this will haunt him every hour of everyday for the rest of his pathetic existance. R.I.P. My dear friend I love you and will never 4-get you ever!
Apr 23, 2009 at 10:05 a.m.
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My thoughts and prayers are with the family, Friends and those that knew this very kind loving lady. May her presence not be forgotten.
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