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Call the Rock County YWCA Crisis Line, which is staffed 24 hours a day, at (608) 752-2583. In Beloit, call (608) 365-1119.
Marilyn Harris, program director for the Rock County YWCA's Alternatives to Violence program, offers these suggestions for leaving an abuser:
-- Have a detailed safety plan to get out.
-- Don't tell the abuser you're leaving or where you're going. Do tell a trusted friend, someone who can check up on you when you enact your plan.
-- Know where you're going, whether it's a shelter, a hotel or a friend's house.
-- Gather and store things such as marriage papers, birth certificates, extra keys and emergency phone numbers.
-- Be flexible. "It's a process to get ready, and then it's leaving when there's an opportune moment," Harris said. "If the time's not right, you're going to need to pull back."
JANESVILLE — The fatal shooting Wednesday had the classic hallmarks of a domestic violence case.
She told him the relationship was over.
He threatened her, her child, and her new boyfriend and suggested if he couldn't have her, nobody else would.
Then he killed her.
Kerri Parker, executive director of YWCA Rock County, has seen it happen many times before.
"She did her best to take care of herself and her family, and it's a terrible tragedy she paid with her life," Parker said.
David Moore, Janesville's acting police chief, has seen it, too. At a news conference Wednesday, Moore said two-thirds of Janesville's homicides historically have been related to domestic violence.
So how can a person in such a position stay safe?
The sad fact is a victim can do everything right and still get hurt, advocates say. Even with restraining orders, victims are sometimes shot. And things sometimes get worse after a victim tries to leave.
But Patty Seger, executive director of the Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said statistics show victims can—and do—safely leave relationships.
Seger said:
-- Every year in Wisconsin, between 35 and 50 men, women and children are killed as a result of domestic violence.
-- Last year, 40,000 men, women and children sought services at domestic violence shelters, meaning they were able to break away from their abusers either temporarily or permanently.
-- Between 7,000 and 8,000 restraining orders are issued every year, and many of them were successful in keeping people safe.
"There's a whole range of activities people can do to protect themselves," Seger said. "We know there is nothing foolproof, but information is power."
The best piece of advice? Call your local shelter.
"When you contact the YWCA, you'll be connected with one of our advocates who can help you assess your immediate safety needs," said Allison Hokinson, YWCA community relations director. "We'll also consider if we have a good case for a restraining order."
If a restraining order is an option, the YWCA advocate will accompany the victim to the courthouse—often on the same day. It doesn't cost the victim anything to get a restraining order.
Then, usually within a week, the victim and the advocate attend a court hearing and argue for a restraining order for a longer period, up to four years. The perpetrator also attends the hearing.
It's then up to the judge or court commissioner to decide if a restraining order is needed.
What's needed for a restraining order?
It helps if the victim keeps a record of the abuse in a journal. Abuse means threats, physical and emotional violence against the victim or his or her family.
"Any threatening or abusive behavior or correspondence cumulatively adds up against the perpetrator," Hokinson said.
One nasty text message might not convince a judge to issue a temporary restaining order, but a series of them might.
"It could be a series of indicators over a period of time, or it could be a strong, single incident," Parker said.
Victims who are considering leaving can get help and advice from the YWCA, as well.
A safety plan brochure outlines practical steps to help victims through explosive situations and their aftermath. The brochure covers the basics of what victims need to take with them, some easy ways to take care of their emotional health and how to deal with restraining-order violations.