Couples seek middle ground on chores
Their dads might not have done the dishes, but they do.
The Gazette spoke to a variety of women in their 20s and 30s about the division of labor in their households and found a new generation of guys contributing more to the household.
Bit and Dan Huber lived together before getting married, and in their time together have more or less naturally fallen into their household roles. Both have full-time jobs.
"I always do the dishes because I like the way I do dishes," Bit said. "He takes out the trash."
The laundry was an issue, and Bit confessed, "Before I had to nag him because he didn't do it."
But not anymore.
Her husband had lived at home before moving in, and he didn't really know how to get it done. So she showed him, and now that chore gets shared.
"We both do the cooking," Bit said.
The division of labor isn't rigid or gender specific.
"If the sink is full of dishes and I'm not there, he does them," Bit said. "Whatever needs to get done gets done. It's not like, 'You do this because I did that last week.' We both pitch in."
Tracey Hayden lives with her boyfriend Aaron Dimmig, and the couple have four kids between the two of them.
"I do all the cooking because I love to cook," Tracey said. "But I don't do laundry. I don't touch it."
She drops off kids, he picks them up.
For Tracey, the division of labor is something that happened naturally.
Bit and Tracey seemed to expect the division of labor to be equitable, and they weren't surprised that it just worked out that way.
Deb Winters, on the other hand, believes what she has is out of the ordinary.
Deb is engaged to and lives with Chad Welte. They have three children between the two of them.
"There aren't many like him," Deb said of her future husband's willingness to share the household duties.
Laundry, dishes, childcare duties get divided up.
Who does what just depends on what's going on, Deb said.
When she had to work in Madison for a week, he took over most of the household chores. She would do the same for him.
Deb is a saleswoman for Tastefully Simple, the home-based business that sells gourmet food products.
"I was getting ready for a Tastefully Simple party, and he vacuumed the house and cleaned the bathroom," Deb said.
And here's the kicker: She didn't have to tell him to do it.
"He lived alone for a long time, so he knows what stuff has to be done."
Oct 7, 2009 at 2:06 p.m.
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Welcome to the discussion jvlmom! I already have a blessed life, and for that I am most grateful. But I'll have to pass on your suggestion to do "something else", I enjoy both making and reading comments, even the mean-spirited ones from the angry and depressed such as yourself. Have a great day, I know I will!
Oct 7, 2009 at 1:02 p.m.
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No need to nag anyone about doing chores. If something needs to be done, whoever has the issue with the undone chore should do it and not nag for someone else to do it. Badger boy- I agree.. Why is this news?
Oct 7, 2009 at 11:47 a.m.
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Dave....get a life and find something else to do! You apparently have too much time on your hands!
Oct 7, 2009 at 10:36 a.m.
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Kay13: In theory, yes. In reality, much harder to accomplish for most men. Most women, while they may choose to work themselves, expect that their man will work full-time and supply most of the income for the family.
prinny: It sounds like you have a great relationship woth your man. Cherish it.
luvujvl: I don't think I said anything is a "cake walk"! And as far as me "jumping right in", would have if I could have, but I am now beyond that period of my life, thank you. I do find it hard to believe you never sleep, get sick, have any personal time, or go on vacation. But I'm glad that you find it rewarding nonetheless :O)
Oct 7, 2009 at 9:33 a.m.
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Why is this news?
Oct 7, 2009 at 8:44 a.m.
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Well Dave - if you would be so 'damn grateful' for the opportunity then jump right in and give it a try. You'll find out that, while it is incredibly rewarding to spend time with your kids and take pride in them and your household, it's also damn hard work that lasts 24 hours a day, every day, with no paid vacation, no sick days, and no 'personal time'. I resent the fact that you are implying that staying home and raising kids is a cake walk.
Oct 7, 2009 at 8:18 a.m.
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The only reason this is even worthy enough of being a "story" now-a-days is because of the fact that more women are in the workplace today that ever in history. As its true today, it is harder for families to survive on one income more and more traditional chore-doers(women) are no longer there to do the chores thus this issue of who's gonna do it, comes into play. However the 20 and 30-year olds today are not the first generation to witness the sharing of these social roles, so it's not "wierd" or "new" to us. Our parents, atleast mine and many of my friends', did the same thing, shared responsibilities. It's not as common anymore for women to stay home with the children and take care of the home, and couples are forced to figure out how to accomplish many things without both getting completely burned out. I know in my household, where we both work full-time, raise three kids, and both attend school, life is chaotic and its amazing we get everything done, but we work together to help each other. I generally want to make things easier on him, and he the same. If we can do something to help each other, we do. It's called loving someone, and supporting them. Your significant other shouldn't have to be asked to do something, they should WANT to do it:) In my opinion, of course. Or maybe I'm just spoiled :)
Oct 7, 2009 at 6:48 a.m.
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I don't believe in gender specific chores, as they are all chores. However, there should be specific responsibilities assigned as it will make for a more orderly household.
Oct 6, 2009 at 8:24 p.m.
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SuperDave, no one says that you can't "stay home and raise the kids, wash dishes, do laundry, clean up messes and generally be the queen of the house." When two people are in a relationship, they can mutually decide what works for them.
Oct 6, 2009 at 7:22 p.m.
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Two articles about basically the same issue? Well, this is really a can of worms. Let me boil it down to this...in the first place, women have more options than men, there is a reason that women want commitment! Think about it. And it's generally understood that certain gender-specific divisions of labor occur at co-habitation time. (Not my idea!) And not at all fair! But, as a man, I see the other side of the coin. Who is (usually) expected to take out the trash, pay the bills, fix the cars, cut the grass, plan for retirement, shovel the snow, put the kids through college, settle household disputes, pay the property taxes, investigate the bump in the night, calm the emotional wife, kill the bug, etc. etc. etc.
Were I a woman, I would totally choose to be the one to stay home and raise the kids, wash dishes, do laundry, clean up messes and generally be the queen of the house. AND, I would be damn grateful for the opportunity. And so appreciative of the husband. Ladies, think about it for a minute before you respond.
Oct 6, 2009 at 6:56 p.m.
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Sorry...more man than you'll ever be.
Oct 6, 2009 at 6:52 p.m.
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Whipped...
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