Janesville father fights to keep daughter
Photo
John Foster and his stepdaughter play basketball in the driveway of their house in Janesville.
JANESVILLE — John Foster fell in love with his daughter as he fell in love with his wife.
When John met Sheri in 2002, she came with 3-year-old Leah.
At 33, John was ready to find the right woman and settle down. Sheri was smart and funny, intelligent and caring—“just such a sweetheart,” he said.
John, now 40, remembers meeting Leah several months after he and her mother started dating.
Right away, there was a connection. They put a caterpillar in a jar and later watched it hatch into a butterfly.
“She was so young, and she just wanted someone to play fun stuff with,” John said. “I was kind of a kid (myself) at the time, so I was fun.”
When John and Sheri married June 18, 2004, Leah was the flower girl.
Leah called John “Papa” or “Papacito.”
“We did everything together as a family,” John said. “We were essentially a family with no distractions except maybe once a month.”
The distractions were the infrequent visits Leah made to her biological dad in northern Wisconsin. Leah never wanted to go because the trips took her away from the “fun” stuff at home: the large, tightly knit, Foster clan; her friends; and her sports.
Sheri’s first marriage had not been good, and she left her husband, Shawn, shortly after Leah was born. After the divorce, he moved four hours away.
Sheri once asked Shawn if John could adopt Leah.
“It was to the point I was her dad, and her dad was somebody she saw on occasion,” John said. “Teaching her to ride her bike the first time, I did that. The daily stuff—what dads and little girls do—I did that.”
Shawn would not agree to the adoption.
In late 2005, Sheri had surgery for endometriosis, a condition that causes pelvic pain. John still breaks down when he remembers the doctor coming into the waiting room, telling him that his young wife had late Stage 3 ovarian cancer.
Sheri was 35. Leah was 9.
Sheri fought the disease with an optimistic determination.
But she fretted about what might happen to Leah if something happened to her.
Before every surgery, she made John and her parents promise that they would fight to keep Leah.
“She did not want her going with her dad,” John said. “We weren’t going to let her down.”
A week before Sheri died—when she was terribly ill—her ex-husband visited.
After the visit, he went to Leah’s school and requested that the girl’s transcripts and records be transferred to his hometown.
As Sheri lay dying, John called family friend and attorney Jack Hoag.
John buried Sheri on Dec. 13, 2008. On Dec. 22, John was in court, fighting to keep what remained of his family together.
Hoag told John from the outset that his chances weren’t good. Courts always decide in favor of biological parents unless the biological parents are proved unfit. The best scenario they could hope for would be John getting visitation rights, possibly every other weekend.
Another man might have given up.
John was young and could have started a new life, unencumbered with the care of a young girl.
The thought never entered his mind.
“I raised her since she was 3,” John said.
“She was my daughter. She wasn’t his daughter. So that wasn’t even an option.
“Plus, we had promised Sheri. There was no way I was going to do anything but fight.”
John retained temporary guardianship, but the court ordered regular weekend visitation for Leah up north. John met Leah’s dad half way and handed her over.
John would hug her tightly and drive home in an empty car.
Hearing about the little things broke John’s heart.
“When she’d have to go to bed, they’d just tell her to go to bed,” he said. “When we go to bed, I tuck her in, and we say our prayers. None of that was done.”
Legal fees mounted.
Slowly, things turned John’s way. Shawn’s own family supported John, and Shawn’s mother testified in John’s favor at a deposition.
“She always wanted what was best for Leah,” John said.
Shortly before the case went to trial in summer 2009, Shawn forfeited his rights. The court entered a finding that he was unfit and awarded John guardianship.
Shawn would have Leah every other weekend and split holidays with John. It was the best they could do, Hoag said. The lawyer was betting that Shawn would lose interest in Leah, and Leah soon would be of the age when she had a say about her future.
The arrangement didn’t last long.
Leah’s biological dad was diagnosed with a rare form of throat cancer. He died within six months.
John adopted Leah immediately.
“She wanted me to, and I wanted me to, and Sheri wanted me to,” he said.
Hoag remembers choking up at the adoption hearing. He was surprised at the emotion because he has been an attorney for so long.
Leah, after all, could be in foster care. Instead, she’s in a loving home and family.
“It was a pilgrimage,” Hoag said.
“He is her father,” Hoag said of John. “He does all the things a father should do and more, and he’s done those things since Day One. I don’t really think he looks at it any other way.”
Leah was sad when her dad died—she worried that John would get cancer, too—but nowadays, when they talk about her parents, it is about her mom.
John had a good-paying job selling medical equipment, but it required travel and kept him away from Leah. Now, he has a new job as an independent insurance agent.
Leah writes John letters on both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
Today, they are likely celebrating Father’s Day with his large family.
John is proud of his daughter. She’s a good kid with a great sense of humor and a dash of sarcasm similar to his own. She gets straight A’s, she is athletic and she’s a little goofy. She’s emotionally strong.
“She helps me through a lot,” John said.
“We help each other through a lot.”
Jun 26, 2011 at 6:36 a.m.
Suggest removal
It's too bad John had so many unkind things to say about Shawn. I must assume he forgot that Shawn has a large family and many friends, and how his comments might hurt them or perhaps he doesn't care about hurting others. Hopefully he isn't teaching Leah to harbor bitterness and hatred, and will allow her to remember the good things about her dad. If it was your objective to hurt us, job well done John.
Jun 21, 2011 at 2:49 p.m.
Suggest removal
400excracer, mrspowers -- well said. rcduchntr, I know who you are & there is no one more qualified to set the record straight regarding Shawn as you knew & understood him probably better than most. My husband & I both thought the story should have left the negative out & should have focused on the positive that came out of the tragedy of this young girl losing both of her biological parents way too soon. At the end of the day, Leah has gone through more in her short 12 years than most people do in a lifetime, and through all of that, she is obviously very loved by many, especially John. It would have been great to see the Gazette focus more on that aspect & let the negatives be.
Jun 21, 2011 at 10:33 a.m.
Suggest removal
I just want to say that I am not sure what article everyone has been reading. I saw this article as a tribute to how a father fought to keep his daughter, against ALL odds. There is going to be some history in the article to set the foundation of how things ended up the way they did. And it is unfortunate that all things were not pretty, however I think we can all admit that when it comes to parents, courts, and children, there will ALWAYS be negative things involved. Unfortunatly it is part of life. This article gives everyone hope that in the long run, the courts may be getting to a point where the best interest of the child will outweigh the best interest of the parents. Biological or otherwise.
Jun 21, 2011 at 9:33 a.m.
Suggest removal
That has to be the most poorly written article I have ever read. Totally unnecessary to dredge up negatives about deceased biological father to get to the point of the aricle I assume though it is hard to really know which is to applaud the step now adopted father of leah. Was this article proofed by any editors at the Gazette?
Jun 21, 2011 at 8:53 a.m.
Suggest removal
I agree with the comments that say this article is a "low blow" to the deceased, Shawn.
Truecitizen is describing the actions of the family-destroying ANTI-FAMILY "family courts"(amazing, isn't it)....There is much to be read between the lines in this....MUCH.... and there are many thousands of similar cases. Thats all I got to say.
Jun 20, 2011 at 5:29 p.m.
Suggest removal
As friends of Sheri and Shawn's, my wife and I were asked to take ownership of their family pet, Max (a black lab). Having 3 kids of our own, we discussed this and decided it would be a good fit for our family. During the first few years of our ownership of Max, Shawn and Leah made several visits so Leah could continue her relationship with Max. Leah was shy at first, clinging to Shawn, as she warmed up, she asked many questions. The questions she asked seemed invasive to Shawn, but what she was doing was making sure Max's new owners met her approval. It was during these visits, I saw the strong bond and love shared by Leah and Shawn. They talked about the fun places they were going and things they did. One week to the day after we said goodbye to Shawn, they must have needed a good hunting dog in heaven, because Max then joined Shawn. From Sherri's passing to the court finding, Shawn and I had several conversations focusing primarily on what was going to be best for Leah. During this time period, there were several unfortunate and unnecessary events that happened. Unlike the author of this story, Marcia Nelesen, I choose to keep these events private out of respect for Shawn and Sheri, their surviving spouses, family, friends and most important children. This could have been a great father's day story if it would have started where it ended, and focused solely on the relationship that Leah and John have developed since the loss of both of her biological parents at such a young age and short time period. I hope all who have been touched, in one way or another, can find peace.
Jun 20, 2011 at 4:05 p.m.
Suggest removal
I worked with Sheri for many years. She was a wonderful person. In all the years that I had known her she never spoke bad about anyone. Including Shawn. Sheri had her reasons as to why she wanted Leah with John and they were justified. Sheri fought a hard battle to stay here for Leah's sake. The hardest thing for her was leaving this world and leaving loose ends for Leah. John gave her the comfort in knowing that he would fight for Leah and make things right for her no matter what. This says a lot about John. As someone who loved Sheri all I can do is say THANK YOU JOHN for giving Sheri that peace and for loving Sheri and Leah. Also THANK YOU for allowing Sheri to RIP knowing that if she can't be here to care for Leah she is with the next best person for the job. She was a strong woman and a true fighter. If Leah is anything like her mother, which I am sure she still is she will go far with your love and encouragement.
Jun 20, 2011 at 3:46 p.m.
Suggest removal
This had the potential to be such an outstanding feel good Fathers Day piece. Why would you include so much negativity towards a person who is not with us anymore and has absolutely no way to respond or state his side of the story? Including taking a statement taken from a deposition of a deceased cancer victims mother and inserting it into a story that should be celebrating the love for a child....this is really a low blow. Sorry Marcia, in my opinion this was not a very good choice of arranging what could have been an outstanding article. Lose the hate and get on with the love and respect. A father refusing to give up his child or parental rights is not a bad thing. As is mentioned in the article, "Another man might have given up". That statement works for both fathers. To Love a daughter and never want to give her up. Really? A bad thing? It sounds to me like Leah loved, at least some of the time that she got to spend with her Biological father. By showing her fear of the disease that took both her beloved mother and biological father from her, Leah is showing care and concern for the ones she loved. Love is not a one sided story and should be accepted as "The More The Merrier" Not mine or yours.
This is simply my opinion. Thanks for your time.
Jun 20, 2011 at 2:56 p.m.
Suggest removal
frogger, I think your comment about "karma or God's way" is about as far from religious as you can get. You are assuming that people who make poor choices in life get cancer and die. My father died of cancer, and he was a wonderful man and the best father anyone could ask for. Please don't attack Leah's biological father, who is not here anymore to defend himself. I had the pleasure of knowing Shawn, and though John is a great dad to Leah, Shawn also loved Leah very much. We are all just happy for Leah that she still has such a loving parent in her life. She's been through enough.
Jun 20, 2011 at 1:33 p.m.
Suggest removal
BostonBill - I couldn't have said it better myself!!! Happy Father's Day, John!
.
As for the poster who always, always, always has negative comments or jabbing to do, I have only one word for you.......TROLL!
Jun 20, 2011 at 1 p.m.
Suggest removal
John,
I've always admired you. I'm so thankful that you and Leah are together!
Steve Knox
Jun 20, 2011 at 12:26 p.m.
Suggest removal
vatoloco - It does not take just a man to get a woman pregnant. Unless she was raped she kind of had an equall part at it. The story doesnt list the details so you cant knock anyone.
Jun 20, 2011 at 11:41 a.m.
Suggest removal
Awesome story. Good for Leah that she had so much love in her life.
Jun 20, 2011 at 11:26 a.m.
Suggest removal
I have made tons of attempts to be with my son after I was bullied into waiving my rights. I'll never do that again. I thought it would let the dust settle, and cooler heads would prevail, but I was stupid for trusting. John, Shawn, and Sheri all had opportunity to be with Leah. My son and I have never. His mother has never made one attempt, though I remain the accused one. My son has had several guys in the picture and never any fathers. Yet it appears I have no 'in' to get back to him. I wish my story would come out right and end my strife to be with him...but in this case I'm happy for John. I would not have wanted to see Shawn lose his rights, but as with most of the readers here, I would not have all of the information. It appears John is a great guy and deserves this.
Jun 20, 2011 at 10:53 a.m.
Suggest removal
What an emotional story. Made me tear up out of happiness for Leah.
My heart goes out to Leah. I'm glad that everything worked out for her;however, I'm sad that she had to deal with both biological parents passing away so soon.
John shows great character. He's a great example of what a real man is. If only there were more of him in this world.
Jun 20, 2011 at 10:43 a.m.
Suggest removal
I knew both Shawn and Sherri very well. I am still very sad about them dying so young. Lets not kick a man after he has pasted away. Unfortuately this article was not written very well. It should have focused on the positives and not the negatives. Their daughter is with a great father who loves her. Lets leave it at that.
Jun 20, 2011 at 8:59 a.m.
Suggest removal
Good story. I remember when she died. I felt so bad for John to lose his wife so young. I went to school with him and he was a great guy. I recall that sarcasm.
Sigma- karma or Gods way? maybe?!
Jun 20, 2011 at 8:04 a.m.
Suggest removal
I find it odd the real dad died of throat cancer....ironic he was booted out of the picture so fast.
Jun 20, 2011 at 7:32 a.m.
Suggest removal
I'm so glad this all worked out for John and Leah. I have the same concerns with my son. I have asked my husband what would happen if he died. He told me my son would probably have to live with his biological mother even though he has placement and she only sees him every other weekend.
I have raised him since he was 6 and to me he is my son.
Jun 20, 2011 at 12:04 a.m.
Suggest removal
This guy is a REAL man.
Jun 19, 2011 at 9:31 p.m.
Suggest removal
Please keep the focus of the article, and discussion, on John and Leah (as it should be). As well as the intentions of the author of this article may have been; there are some portions of this story that I feel are in poor taste. Out of respect for the deceased, please keep the comments directed towards the outstanding job John has done as a parent.
.
If this cannot be done I would suggest that the Gazette disable comments on this story.
Jun 19, 2011 at 9:14 p.m.
Suggest removal
Happy Father's Day John Foster. You rock.
Jun 19, 2011 at 8:36 p.m.
Suggest removal
As someone whose Dad isn't biologically related, I support John 100%. It's about time the the judicial system starts supporting step-parents.
My Dad (step-dad, just for clarification) was the one who taught me how to ride my bike, how to feed my fish, how to use saws, hammers, power tools. He was the one who took me to cub scouts, bought my clothes, put of roof over my head, bought me my first car (don't worry, it was a clunker), but I still had a car. He taught me how to drive. Most importantly, my Dad taught me how to be a man.
This young girls real father has nothing to be proud of, nothing at all. He probably never chased the monsters out from underneath the bed or out of the closet, helped pull teeth out and probably rarely played Santa. Who is he to all of a sudden want to have a part in this little girls life. He was the one who decided to move 4-hours away. In my eyes, that's abandonment.
Jun 19, 2011 at 8:27 p.m.
Suggest removal
Reminds me of when newspaper articles refer to some children as "adopted" when even if they are adopted they are still their "children" so why say "adopted?"
Jun 19, 2011 at 7:13 p.m.
Suggest removal
The caption on the photo says "stepdaughter" I think that needs to be changed to DAUGHTER. After all, John legally adopted Leah AND has been her father for the past 9 years
Jun 19, 2011 at 7:10 p.m.
Suggest removal
What a touching story. It truly brought tears to my eyes and touched my heart. What an amazing man and a very lucky young lady. John is truly a father in every way that matters. Just because a man's DNA creates a child does not make him a father, dad, or daddy. My daughter would love to have a man like John in her life. Sheri obviously saw something very special in John and trusted him with all her heart and soul to watch over and care for Leah. God was watching and listening too. God brought John and Sheri together for Leah.
Jun 19, 2011 at 6:40 p.m.
Suggest removal
Leah is an awesome kid. Shawn and Sheri, we will always love and miss you. Thank you John for everything that you have done and will continue to do for Leah.
Jun 19, 2011 at 6:20 p.m.
Suggest removal
deweeze... You said it all. Leah is emotionally strong because this man was in her life and picked up the pieces of her broken heart after her Mom died.
Great story. It warms my heart.
Jun 19, 2011 at 4:33 p.m.
Suggest removal
The old saying goes....
Anyone can be a father, but it takes a SPECIAL MAN to be a Dad.
Here is living proof that it is true. You are one lucky young lady Leah.
Jun 19, 2011 at 4:15 p.m.
Suggest removal
Great story, Marcia! Some things in life are worth fighting for!
Before you post a comment, consider this:
Note: GazetteXtra.com does not condone or review every comment. Read more in our User Policy AgreementPost Comment
Commenting requires registration.