'It ain't easy:' Stay-at-home dads learn on the job
Photo
Ross Raymond feeds his 3-week-old son Richie (Richard Raymond IV) as part of his daily routine as a stay-at-home father. Raymond was medically retired from the army but enjoys being an active part in his children's lives.
Photo
Playing with his daughter Brooklyn outside has become a less frequent occurence for stay-at-home dad Ross Raymond of Janesville, ever since his 3-week-old son was born, but Brooklyn relishes in the moments.
JANESVILLE — As Ross Raymond opened his front door, his 80-pound Labrador retriever bounced and barked, his 20-month-old daughter bounded and hollered, but his 3-week old son remained asleep.
With a firm grip of the dog’s collar and a few words to his daughter, the ruckus evaporated.
Since March 2011, Raymond has been a stay-at-home dad.
Ross, who lives with his wife, Nicole, on Lapidary Lane in Janesville, is medically retired from the Army after six years as a member of a Abrams tank crew. The stint did significant damage to his arms, legs and shoulders.
“I’m all beat up,” Ross said.
The injuries made it difficult, if not impossible, for him to return to his previous work driving truck. He worked for a while as a mechanic at F&F Tire in Janesville.
After losing that job, he conferred with Nicole, who works as an X-ray technician at Mercy Clinic East. The two concluded that between Ross’s Army pension and Nicole’s earnings at the hospital, it was feasible for him to be a stay-at-home dad.
He’s still learning on the job.
“It ain’t easy,” he said.
“Any woman that does it for five, six years or even longer, she might as well run for president,” Raymond said.
Census data put the number of stay-at-home fathers at 176,000 nationally.
In advance of Father’s Day, the Center for Work and Family in the Boston College School of Management released a study on the nation’s at-home fathers. Researchers concluded that, “being a stay-at-home dad is a choice, often made by both spouses for pragmatic and value-driven reasons, not simply a reaction to an unanticipated layoff.”
While it might not be a broad national trend, it did figure into Wayne Boardman’s decision to become an at-home father.
Boardman is a stay-at-home dad living in Beloit with wife, Angela, an 8-year-old stepson, a 5-year-old stepson, a 2-year-old daughter and a 3-week-old son.
“It’s a lot more work and stress than I perceived it to be,” he said. “It’s like having a full-time job—taking care of the kids, making sure we’re keeping schedules, and other things like meal times—it’s full-time work.”
Like the Raymond family, it was a combination of medical and economic circumstances that steered the Boardmans toward having Wayne stay home with the kids.
Boardman was diagnosed with renal disease in July 2010. He lost his job at Arby’s Restaurant in January 2011 and underwent a kidney transplant a month later. During his recovery, Boardman started attending Blackhawk Technical College.
“My wife and I talked about it, and we decided to have me not look for work,” Wayne said. “We had a good time to take advantage of the opportunity.”
The decision has paid off, he said.
“Going from 13 hours of dialysis a week and working 50 hours a week to being home—this has really changed my relationship with my stepsons and my daughter.”
Wayne and Angela married last summer, and he’s been in good health since the transplant, he said.
Raymond said he has a friend who is envious of his position. He thinks the friend is mistaken.
“He says, ‘Man, I wish I could stay home with my kids,’” Raymond said. “But after being a truck driver, I don’t think he’s got the patience.”
Just then, Raymond’s newborn son Ross Raymond IV awoke from his nap, crying and hungry. Raymond’s daughter Brooklyn, the excitable type, was moved to join in the commotion.
It was time for lunch. Raymond cradled his son, feeding him a bottle, while he sliced a sandwich for his daughter.
“Having to deal with people on the road is a lot easier than dealing with two kids,” Raymond said, raising his voice to be heard over his children’s voices.
Mar 17, 2013 at 10:06 a.m.
Jun 19, 2012 at 7:02 p.m.
Suggest removal
You make the mistake of thinking I care about what you think(believe). Almost all of my work is done online which allows me to be at the terminal a little more than most, that being said your reality is what you make it. I also know a few posters on here personally, so to think that I am lying (for whatever reason) about having 2 year old twins and a 2nd grader is funny. I have no "pedestal" no more than you or any other nutbag with a strong opinion on any other issue.
Unlike you it really doesnt take me long to post or conjure a thought. I know it takes you a day or two to be a condescending jerk. I dont even want credit for being the primary care giver for my kids, I was commenting on a subject that I happen to know about and you have to step in and be a knob. Maybe if you hate my politics so much that it carries into critique of my life , good for you, whatever makes you feel good about you.
Unfortunately for your dumb suppositions they mean nothing to me, at all really. But instead of actually having a converation about an issue with me where we may disagree, just follow my posts around to the different threads and insult me, an anonymous blogger.
Jun 18, 2012 at 9:29 p.m.
Suggest removal
you have to love people that think they know everything based on an anonymous blog, cheers clowns.
Jun 18, 2012 at 4:53 p.m.
Suggest removal
Janesvillle86ed- Do you have any clue as to what I do? Are you aware that remote contracting work is available in "computerland" I know that it may be hard for you to realize but some of us dont have to leave the home to make a living, and at that a pretty nice one. I also would try to make you aware that many of the people I contract work to need me after the typical 9-5 hours and at those times I can leave the home.
Some people are so dumb and closed off to things in this world its just laughable to me, that being said I would expect very little from you based on previous senselessness. Congrats on your lack of rational thought, you must be proud. Not that I need to explain myself to a ninny like you anywhoo, enjoy your day living in your box
Jun 18, 2012 at 2:55 p.m.
Suggest removal
A caption erroneously referred to Raymond as a "single father.' It should have read "stay-at-home father." The cutline has been corrected.
Scott Angus, editor
Jun 18, 2012 at 1:10 p.m.
Suggest removal
Hdonlybob, I see they changed the reference to 'single father' to 'stay at home dad'. I was happy to see that; I knew that I was not a 'single mom' just because I stayed home with my kids when they were newborns, nor could most single moms afford that luxury.
Not sure why they removed your post. I don't recall it being offensive. Must have been the 'g' word. We learned that in science class.
Jun 18, 2012 at 11:28 a.m.
Suggest removal
Wow..my comment was removed by the staff ???
Have no idea why, so will post again, leaving out one word which may have been the dumb reason...
My hat is off to any Father that does this.
Talk about a full time job !!
Also it shows how hard our Wives and Mothers worked raising us...way unappreciated in this world for years.
I do agree with other comments on why the need for addressing "Single Father" even needs to be in an article like this..as it has no bearing on the dedication or love shown by Fathers doing this.
Other than that, a good article.
Hope this comment stays in....
Jun 18, 2012 at 9:53 a.m.
Suggest removal
I didn't like changing diapers when I was a young father, and I sure as h--- don't like changing them as a grandpa . I tip my hat to those that take care of that sort of stuff, and brave raising a family in today's world.
Jun 18, 2012 at 9:31 a.m.
Suggest removal
I've been at home for 4 years now and wouldn't trade it for the world.
SD - People are awkward and uncomfortable when presented with a situation different from the "norm". They aren't trying to be offensive, they just don't know how to handle it or what to say. I can't tell you how many times I've been called "Mr. Mom" but you just let it roll off you and don't sweat it. If that's the worst thing that happens in a day, it's been a good day.
Jun 18, 2012 at 9:17 a.m.
Jun 18, 2012 at 8:34 a.m.
Suggest removal
Superdave...I guess what it means is that girls from an early age on play with dolls, feed them, care for them like their own babies. Boys don't tend to do that, hence it is sometimes an unfamiliar function for dads. Girls grow up planning on taking care of and nurturing children while boys grow up planning on leaving the house every day to make a living for their families. Our roles have become intermixed and change from time to time but the fact still remains that girls have been conditioned to being the caregiver while boys have not. That's not to say they can't learn to do it but it still takes some getting used to.
Jun 18, 2012 at 8:16 a.m.
Suggest removal
The article title "Stay-at-home dads learn on the job" made we wonder - why do we never see a headline like "Stay-at-home moms learn on the job"? Well, you might say it's because moms are traditionally the stay-at-home parent, so that's the norm. I get that, but the title emphasizes the fact that dads "learn", the assumption being that it's natural for moms to know exactly how to raise their children, but dads are somehow clueless. This has not been my real-world experience. If anything, dads seem to be better at dealing with small children than moms are. Moms tend to coddle, dads tend to parent and teach. All generalizations of course, just my perspective. I wish that we, as a society, could accept the fact that parents come in both genders, and there is no innate parenting skills advantage present in females. Think about how people would react to a story "female office workers learn on the job" which implied that they lacked the skills males have. Rather offensive, no?
Jun 18, 2012 at 7:12 a.m.
Suggest removal
Speaking from experience, there is nothing better than being home with your children especially when you have children so young. I worked 40 hours a week, for the first 6 years of my daughter's life and commuted two hours per day for two years. I worked overtime when available. The only difference, I was a single parent and had no choice but to work. But it cost me the most precious times in a child's life, her first words, steps, standing, crawling, rolling over, etc. The relationships these men are building with their children and stepchildren are essential and critical in raising healthy, well-rounded children. Not only with the children appreciate the time with their father; they will appreciate the time with their mother more as well. Parenting is not easy, there's no training manual you fly by the seat of your pants never knowing what will come up next. As the child gets older the challenges get more interesting!!! Being a parent is a gift, having a parent staying home to raise them is a blessing!
Jun 18, 2012 at 6:22 a.m.
Suggest removal
Great article but I am offended by the improper use of the term "single dad" in the photo caption,"Ross Raymond feeds his 3-week-old son Richie (Richard Raymond IV) as part of his daily routine as a single father." He is NOT a single father he is a stay-at-home father - BIG difference.
Jun 17, 2012 at 11:41 p.m.
Suggest removal
As a private contractor and a stay at home dad of twin 2 year olds, I can tell you being a stay at home dad is EASILY the toughest job I have ever had , and I have had some doozeys. I will also tell you its easily the most rewarding. I missed a lot of my oldest growing up simply because I worked 75 hours a week (5 days) and was an absolute zombie for 5 years! My kids are my life, period, and I wouldnt have it any other way. Money, jobs, careers come and go, time with your kids youll never get back.
Jun 17, 2012 at 10:47 p.m.
Suggest removal
Please enlighten me if I misunderstood, and I certainly respect any parent doing his or her best to care for the children, but if Ross lives with his wife NIcole, how can he also be a single father? There was a time I would have also loved to know how to hold and feed a baby while making a sandwich for a toddler.
But, I am always happy to see fathers being an active part of the lives of their children. They will reap the rewards of those efforts.
Jun 17, 2012 at 9:56 p.m.
Suggest removal
One shouldnt have kids if they dont have the patience to take care of them... Same financially wise. Dont have kids if you cant afford them cost wise or time wise. They must not teach the consequences in school.
Jun 17, 2012 at 5:20 p.m.
Suggest removal
So so good for the kids too. Congratulations gentlemen.
Before you post a comment, consider this:
Note: GazetteXtra.com does not condone or review every comment. Read more in our User Policy AgreementPost Comment
Commenting requires registration.