I received a shower invitation in the mail, I had never heard of the bride to be, or the person sending me the invite. I called the hostess and said I think you sent this to the wrong person. She explained who she was, who the bride to be was, and how we were related. HMMMMM!!! If you have to do all of that, that is greedy, not to mention to me an insult, I have never met you, or the bride to be, but you want me to buy a shower gift? GREED, PURE GREED!!

This reminds me of the people at work with the constant flow of stuff being sold for their children. I wouldn’t mind so much, but when you order this stuff at the outrageously high prices it comes in minute portions or half normal size. For example, a roll of wrapping paper big enough to wrap a cat toy for 6.99, a tin of popcorn the size of a pop can for 14.99 and a box of chocolate for 8.99 with six pieces in it. I’ve probably spent hundreds of dollars on this stuff, which again I wouldn’t mind, but can’t they come up with more realistic fund raisers. I always thought I’d have my day when we had our own kids, but then I got laid offer before anyone could return the favor. I hope the people at my next job are as generous as I have been over the last twelve years.

Thats tacky to ask someone to share a plate.

I figure if someone asks that children not attend that is their choice, their wedding. It is also my choice not to attend if my children are not welcome. With no regrets or apologys. We each have our own choice to make.

I don't have problems with second or third weddings, or even a wedding after a child, as long as the couple relizes that they will not be getting the "big" gifts, something sentamental yet practicle is a great thing, but by the time you have children or past marriges you usally already have all the necesities.

As for the last comment about children at the reception, I hate it when people ask that there be no children. Only If you're going to an exotic lacation should children be excluded. A wedding is a family event, so how is excluding a whole generation promoting family?

I kind of wish I had your problem. My family is small and old so the only time we get together is when someone passes away :( I'd much rather it be for a shower or wedding.

Blogging ... a new form of family communication.

:)

That's what we guessed at breakfast. I'm going to have to find an extra special gift, after poking fun on the Internets.

I agree with so much posted here. I guess I am not as old-fashioned as I thought. Does it bother you too when you see the weddings in the paper, its the first wedding for the couple. The bride's sleveless white dress shows off her ample cleavage. A big white wedding, with all the trimmings. And their children are flower girls/ring bearers. Even worse when its the second and third time the brides walking down the aisle. Why are these in the paper? Are they paying for these announcements BTW? You have to pay for an obituary, do you pay for wedding annoucement space in the paper?
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What are your thoughts on giving showers to co-workers? I had a boss once getting married. Her boss came up with the plan to have us all give the bride-to-be a shower at work. No money pooling for a single gift either. And we got invited to the wedding also. Never mind we didn't associate with the bride outside of work. I didn't know how much to spend. I had to give a present more than I wanted to spend out of fear I would get the icky jobs at work after the shower. Yes, thats the type of woman the bride to be was. Not a good boss, not a nice thing to force onto us.

The invite is for your cousin David's bride to be.

I think it is outrageous when people have kids first then think they are entitled to a big wedding, gifts and all. That is just ridiculous. Do things the right way, in the right order. What happened to the days of people going to the justice of the peace, when you are in the family way or already have kids. Show some class and grace.

My grandmother always told me as well if you give a gift at the bridal shower, you should not be expected to give one at the wedding as well. Thats people just being greedy.

I play it by event. IF I know someone really well I MIGHT do both. If I don't know them real well then its one gift.

We had 5 weddings this summer. I thought we would go broke, besides the gift. There is also travel cost to be considered.

For weddings if I am not going I will respond back as such. But baby showers, bridal showers. Its says RSVP, which means. If you are coming call. I am not going, no need to call, thus in the garbage it goes.

I'm a bit surprised at how many people have a baby first, wedding second and expect a gift at the baby shower, bridal shower and the wedding...a bit much if you ask me. I was taught to have the wedding first and baby second. That's etiquette and usually the smart way!

Walker,
I couldn't agree more. I also was taught by my mother and older sisters that a baby shower for the first child is ok...but a shower for each subsequent child is a bit greedy.

Rose, was there another wedding reception going on in the building at the same time? Maybe they put the card in your box by mistake?
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Its perfectly OK to give a gift to someone getting married, but it is not OK to ask for gifts. I got invited to a wedding shower given by the bride and her mother!
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curtaincall- The person issuing the invitation probably sent along a response card. Its not OK to just through those away. Put your regrets on it and return it. They are waiting to see how many people are coming. Just put your regrets, the happy couple can go onto their "B" or "C" list ;)
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Does anyone remember Mr. Bick, he sent out copies of wedding notices from the newspaper for the alumni of Janesville schools with a little note of congrats. What a nice man he was.
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I agree that showers for 2nd, 3rd weddings are a gift grab. Especially when you have first marriages lasting less than a year.

My niece is getting married in a couple of weeks. When writing out the guest list, and then invites she had relatives on the list we had not seen or heard from in years. Both her mom and I squashed that. That is just rude. You are basically looking for a gift, no real interest in having the person(s) attend. I have also thrown invites in the garbage that I have gotten from relatives and friends I have not heard from or seen in years.

We also got a card and gift from some people we didn't know. I have a large family and I figured it was someone on my dad's side. However, they signed their first names to the card and the gift (a large mirror that we registered for!)was by itself. It had the same wrapping paper as a gift from a family friend. When she got her thank you note, she called and told me she hadn't given us a mirror.. That was almost 4 years ago. We love our mirror!
Rose~ I LOVE your idea of a mystery card! :-)

Rose, the same thing happened to me! We received a gift in the mail off of our registry (a picture frame). We didn't recognize the sender and couldn't find anyone who did. I still don't know who that person is. Maybe they found the wrong registry? So we were like, do we send this person a thank-you card or not? We were too embarrassed to send one, but maybe we should have, because I sure do enjoy that frame on my coffee table.

12,539 showers? I hear you sister! I was single for a long time and spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on shower and wedding gifts. Some of my cousins even had showers for their second and third weddings. I joked with my friends that if I wasn't married at 35, I was going to send invites, hire a band, get a quarter barrel and throw myself a reception. Registering for gifts, of course! But then again, if your household isn't set up by the time you are 30, you are in rough shape. I have enough stuff. So when I did get married, I had a very small wedding and specifically said NO showers.

I think it would be better if they signed "Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary" to it as well. The one that gets me is when someone you know or work with, sends you an invitation to a naughty party or any type of party without asking you, first, if you even care or want to attend.

Rose-

Do you mean you put a mystery card in the gift box? That's hilarious!!

One the other end of that spectrum, Stan and I received a mysterious wedding card at our reception. It was from "Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary". I handed it to Stan and said, "This is from your side." He handed it back and said, "No, it's your side. I don't have an Uncle Bob or Aunt Mary." Well, neither do I.

To this day, we don't know who gave us that card. (There was no money in it.) But now, we *do* leave an extra card in every gift box when we go to weddings.

Is that wrong?

~Rose Stricker, WCLO

Sounds like a gift grab to me. Maybe your family could pool your money and buy the bride-to-be an etiquette book.